Before I actually type this out, I've already thought about what I would write and at the end of my idea-evolving process, I realized what I'm gonna write out now is quite vain and self-centred, which is something I don't wanna come off as. But this is my blog, (and nobody reads this anyway), so I'm just gonna put it out.
I'm not a private person. Like literally. And sometimes I think society perceives that as something not good. Like somehow you're supposed to try to keep some things in your life private. But it's my life, I'm the one who decides what I want to show people, or which part of me that I feel the need to hide.
A lot of people has told me this; people can see through me. They say it's easy to tell what I'm thinking at the moment or what I feel. Sometimes they say it in a bad way, like it's a bad trait about me. Sometimes, and just some people, say it that way, not all. But in all honesty, I know for myself that I do show people how I feel, especially when it comes to people that I love. Maybe it's because the background of my family, my parents tell me straight out most of the time about how much they love me, like directly say it out loud and I do the same thing too to them. So when I feel affectionate about anyone, in any way (since there's a lot of ways to love a person), I tend to show them.
In some cases maybe it's bad, or embarrassing. For example, when I have a crush on someone. It's not to the point where I actually confess to them the moment I lay my eyes on them (a crush is mostly out of looks right?). It's little things like blushing when he comments a certain something about myself, or when I got caught sneaking a glance at him. Most of the time, I just couldn't stand the happiness that I'm feeling when I see my crush and I tend to express it, and by that I mean, telling the person next to me or some sort. And maybe at one point, everybody else knows how I feel about him, except for him. But I would doubt that cause everyone is in the same circle of friends, he would eventually find out. Is that really bad? I mean it's just a crush that I don't mean to go anywhere with it. Just a normal feeling that might just go away in a month or two.
Another case would be loving my friends. I think I'm the kind of person that have this one person in a particular stage of my life that I love more than any other people. It may be a bad thing if people can see how I'm biased and then decide it's a rude gesture. Or maybe people don't mind. With this person, I'd get so overly attached but this person, I'll make sure will be the kind of person who don't mind. I think if from the start I know that she wouldn't be able to handle my clingy-ness, I would not even try to start that kind of friendship with her. Alhamdulillah, so far these type of friends are able to bear with me.
I don't even know why I'm writing this out. I don't know why I feel the need to express this out. Maybe I do have a reason, but I trail off track easily.
