*cough cough. Rase macam nak post Zara la. Walaupun tak siap lagi. Hehe.
___________________________________________________________________________________
“Are you okay?” he asks
“Of course.” Even when I’m not. It’s too cold here. But I feel bad making him miss the movie. I’m always such a fuss.
“You’re practically trembling. We’re leaving.” He stands up.
I pull his hands down. “I’m fine Zach.”
He grabs my hands and head his way to the exit door. Once we’re out of the cinema, my body receives heat and I feel so much better. But at the same time, Zach is glaring at me and that just makes me feel a lot worse.
“You should’ve said something.” He raises his voice.
“Please don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you. I’m just mad.”
“I’m sorry.”
“We are not going to the movies ever again.”
“Look, I just forgot my meds, that’s all. We can see the movie another time.”
“You forgot your meds?!”
Shit. I shouldn’t have said that. Ugh, why do I always make things worse? By now, we are sitting on the bench outside the cinema. He’s going through my bag searching for my pills. I feel dizzy. I say this out loud. When I open my eyes, he was no where to be seen. I shut them back.
“Here.” He gives me a bottle of water and hands me the pills. “Sorry I left you. I didn’t bring any water so I bought it there.” He points at a shop.
It took a few minutes before my head is stabilized and I can function normally. I apologized again.
“It’s not your fault.” He’s probably calmed down already. If he’s still mad, he would’ve lectured me.
“I knew you want to watch the movie.”
“The movie is not important. I can buy a DVD later and watch it at your house.”
“But we never watch movies together.”
“Yes we do. We watched Adventureland at your house. And Juno, and 10 Things I Hate About You, remember?”
“That doesn’t count. We never go on dates like this. Like going to the movies, or ice skating, or going to the theme park.” I was fighting back tears.
“It’s because we can’t.”
“NO! You can. I can’t.” He hugs me and I bury my face in his broad chest. I hug him back, tight. He’s so tall. I have to tilt my head up to see his face. His eyebrows pull together in a frown. He caresses my flowing red hair. I put my hands on his muscled neck.
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t.” Cause it’s the one thing I don’t need from him.
_______________________________________________________________________________
From the dramatic scene above, you probably know that there is something wrong with me. Well, you’re right. There is something definitely wrong with me. I don’t like telling these things to other people. Because they tend to feel sorry for me. And I just simply don’t like it. I’m just the way I am and I don’t need your sympathy. But in order for you to understand this sad story, I have to tell you the information you need. Before the dramatic introduction, let me tell you this: I’m Zara.
I have a rare disease. I don’t remember what it’s called cause the name is too long. I leave it to Zach. The main thing about this disease is that I’m always cold. There is not a day when I feel hot. It’s internal. It has nothing to do with the outside world. Basically my temperature drops form time to time. There are a few side effects when my temperature is too low. I get dizzy, no appetite. Zach once told me that I’m so short because of the disease. The temperature won’t let me grow up. Physically, though. Because, mentally, I’m much more mature than you think I am.
This sickness could’ve killed me years ago. So, you must be wondering how I get to be alive. It’s all thanks to Zach. He’s my doctor. He knows the name of the disease, of course. He takes care of everything for me. You can say he’s my guardian angel, but I think it’s completely cheesy. One important thing you need to know about Zach is that he’s warm. Not just his personality, he’s simply warm. I go to him when it’s especially cold, literally. Zach is tall. He’s like the tallest man on earth. I wonder how he’d end up with me.
I met him when I was little. I don’t remember what age. You can ask Zach. He remembers everything. My father contacted him and asked him to treat me personally. He rejected at first because he only served for the army, as a doctor. But my father was willing to pay any price to have him. Then, he accepted the job.
When I was little, he treated me like his younger sister. I didn’t see him that way. I saw him as this weird freakishly tall doctor who keeps reminding me to take my meds. He was very young then, very much handsome and mature-looking. My teachers used to flirt with him when he sent me to school. Since I wasn’t that very much into him, he tried to get closer to me and tried making me like him. Maybe it’s because he knew he would be working with me for quite a long period of time. So, he needed to make me easier to live with. He would buy me ice-cream after school even though Daddy won’t let me. He would play Barbie or tea time with me. That’s what he told me. I couldn’t remember a thing. I asked him if I ever like put make up on him and he said I never because I don’t like make up. He was my constant companion. Sometimes, he’s the father figure when daddy was always not around. But I don’t like to think that way. But sometimes, it seems that way.
When I turned thirteen, he became my friend. At first, I didn’t want to tell him about anything. I still treated him as my friend, though. But since he was always around when I had problems, I confided in him and cried my heart out at him. The weird thing is he would always listen to me, even if my problems were stupid. Then he became my best friend. We hung out together at the mall. He was the first person that I told about my crush. He braids my hair at night when we’re having a slumber party. This might be very unusual to you but he was the first person who found out when I got my period. He told me everything about it since he knows cause he’s a doctor. That was how close I was to him.
When I was fifteen, there was a girl in class who said I was a lesbian. I denied it.
“Then why don’t you have a boyfriend?” she asked.
“I don’t need one.”
“Of course you don’t because you need a girlfriend.” The whole class laughed.
“You’re wrong.” I didn’t know what else to say to fight back.
“Do you know that you’re the only girl in class who never had a boyfriend? We never even heard you having a crush on someone.”
“That’s because I don’t tell you.”
“Then who do you tell?”
I was about to answer ‘Zach’. But I knew they know nothing of Zach so I kept my mouth shut and what they think remains the same; I was a lesbian. When Zach picked me up from school, I told him this. He asked me was I hurt by the confrontation. I said no because it wasn’t true. Usually when I tell Zach about something, the thing would be over. But this thing got me thinking. It was in my head at all times. And I don’t think talking to Zach about this would make it go away. So I talked to a girl, my best friend, at school.
“April!” that’s her name. “Wait up.”
She turned to look at me. “What up?”
“can I talk to you somewhere?”
“Sure.” We walked to a bench at the school garden.
“You know the other day about the lesbian thing?”
“Yeah. It was last week right? Oh my god, you really are…”
“NO! I’m not. I just need someone to talk to right now. Because my head is… messy.”
“What’s wrong you like a boy?”
“Well, I’ve always liked him.”
“Who is it?”
“You know Zach?”
“That old guy?”
“Yeah. The bully, what was her name?”
“Georgia.”
“Yeah. She got me thinking.”
“About what?”
“Could I’ve… fallen in love with Zach?”
“Eeeww, that’s gross.”
“Why?”
“He’s so old.”
Talking to April was useless, she would never understand. I sighed. “Never mind.”
“But… no matter how gross it is, it makes sense if you fall in love with him. I mean, he’s always around right?”
“Yes. What should I do?”
“I don’t know.”
“What do YOU do when you fall in love with a guy?”
“I never actually have fallen in love with a guy but if I like someone I tell him the truth.”
“Should I tell him?”
“I think it’s better if you know what he feels about you first.”
“Okay. Thanks April.”
And that was the first time I had a deep conversation with a girl. I used to talk about these things with Zach. I hate the feeling. I always get to tell him everything; but I couldn’t tell him this one thing.
After that, I acted like nothing happened. I walked around with him like everything was fine even though I feel like my inside was about to burst. It sucked, real bad. And I had to endure for 2 weeks. And then the ball came.
30 August 2010
29 August 2010
"There was a moment of silence, but it wasn't uneasy."
I found it in one of the books I read. It was Amy's.
I just like the phrase. And it's hard to get to that point in a relationship. Any kinds of relationship.
That point where when no one speaks and there is only the two of you, yet there's nothing awkward about that.
I found it in one of the books I read. It was Amy's.
I just like the phrase. And it's hard to get to that point in a relationship. Any kinds of relationship.
That point where when no one speaks and there is only the two of you, yet there's nothing awkward about that.
22 August 2010
People
There are a few types of person (people?).
There's a Book Person, a Music Person, an Art Person and a Talk Person.
I'm a Book and Music Person.
I have a friend who is an Art Person.
I have a friend who is a Talk Person.
I have a friend who is a Music Person.
I have a boyfriend who I think is a Music Person.
I had a friend who I can't figure what kind of person she is.
So,
that's just my point of view.
There's a Book Person, a Music Person, an Art Person and a Talk Person.
I'm a Book and Music Person.
I have a friend who is an Art Person.
I have a friend who is a Talk Person.
I have a friend who is a Music Person.
I have a boyfriend who I think is a Music Person.
I had a friend who I can't figure what kind of person she is.
So,
that's just my point of view.
08 August 2010
So Be It
I really can't understand why they don't like him so much. what did he do?
But if you look at it again, I had to wait over a year for my friends to see what I see in him.
It should take probably years for them to see, ain't it?
I know I love him, but I won't tell you that because I know you'll say it's bullshit, I'm still young, we're going to break up one day and you can't wait to see that happen and say 'I told you so.'
I don't care.
Say what you want.
I don't know if I'm ever going to leave him, but I know now I can't live without him.
So be it.
But if you look at it again, I had to wait over a year for my friends to see what I see in him.
It should take probably years for them to see, ain't it?
I know I love him, but I won't tell you that because I know you'll say it's bullshit, I'm still young, we're going to break up one day and you can't wait to see that happen and say 'I told you so.'
I don't care.
Say what you want.
I don't know if I'm ever going to leave him, but I know now I can't live without him.
So be it.
24 July 2010
The List Goes On
As you all may know, I love making lists. So here it goes.
Top 10 Female in Entertainment Industry
1 Kristen Stewart
2 Ellen Page
3 Juliet Simms
4 Zooey Deschanel
5 Miley Cyrus
6 Evan Rachel Wood
7 Dakota Fanning
8 Abigail Breslin
9 Orianthi Panagaris
10 Angelina Jolie
It actually counts until number 6 but I just put the others so it could be a Top 10.
okay moving on...
I wanna say Top 10 but I can never arranged them in a perfect order because I change my mind a lot especially about movies. So let's just call it My 10 Favourite Movies.
Twilight Saga(let's just count it as one movie okay?)
The Proposal
17 Again
500 Days of Summer
The Chumscrubber
Confession of A Shopaholic
The Devil Wears Prada
Pretty Persuasion
Adventureland
Juno
there's more but let's just keep it at 10. hmmm gimme some more time think of lists. I'll get back to it later.
p/s : I am currently obsessed with Joseph Gordon-Levitt(with the French accent) and I wanted to list all his movies in the '10 Favourites' but I should be honest with myself so I listed the truth :)
Top 10 Female in Entertainment Industry
1 Kristen Stewart
2 Ellen Page
3 Juliet Simms
4 Zooey Deschanel
5 Miley Cyrus
6 Evan Rachel Wood
7 Dakota Fanning
8 Abigail Breslin
9 Orianthi Panagaris
10 Angelina Jolie
It actually counts until number 6 but I just put the others so it could be a Top 10.
okay moving on...
I wanna say Top 10 but I can never arranged them in a perfect order because I change my mind a lot especially about movies. So let's just call it My 10 Favourite Movies.
Twilight Saga(let's just count it as one movie okay?)
The Proposal
17 Again
500 Days of Summer
The Chumscrubber
Confession of A Shopaholic
The Devil Wears Prada
Pretty Persuasion
Adventureland
Juno
there's more but let's just keep it at 10. hmmm gimme some more time think of lists. I'll get back to it later.
p/s : I am currently obsessed with Joseph Gordon-Levitt(with the French accent) and I wanted to list all his movies in the '10 Favourites' but I should be honest with myself so I listed the truth :)
22 July 2010
Bounce
The lips that slip Are the lips that press
And the lips that leak seem to know you best
I put bodies in the motion Keep this skin out in the open
Liars turn me on
Bed spread bandit since '89
You wear your heart on your sleeve
And i threw mine to the sky
Bounce bounce baby, Bounce back to me (You don't need this)
Bounce bounce baby, Bounce back to me (You don't need this)
This is it, Call it quits with honesty (You don't need this)
Every word is a curse let loose on me
Your mouth it moves but fails to speak
And when you use your lips they better be on me
The lies that tied your tongue in knots
Are the words that grew to hit my spots
So filthy, Dialed desire
Swallowed pride but spit out fire
Liars turn me on
Bed spread bandit since '89
You wear your heart on your sleeve
And threw mine to the sky
Bounce bounce baby, Bounce back to me (You don't need this)
Bounce bounce baby, Bounce back to me (You don't need this)
This is it, Call it quits with honesty (You don't need this)
Every word is a curse let loose on me
Your mouth it moves but fails to speak
And when you use your lips they better be on me
Bounce bounce, baby (Bounce bounce, baby)
Bounce bounce, baby (Bounce bounce, baby)
So filthy, Dialed desire
Swallowed pride but spit out fire
Liars turn me on
Bounce Bounce baby, Bounce back to me (You don't need this)
Bounce bounce baby, Bounce back to me (You don't need this)
This is it, Call it quits with honesty (You don't need this)
Every word is a curse let loose on me
Your mouth it moves but fails to speak
And when you use your lips they better be on me
And the lips that leak seem to know you best
I put bodies in the motion Keep this skin out in the open
Liars turn me on
Bed spread bandit since '89
You wear your heart on your sleeve
And i threw mine to the sky
Bounce bounce baby, Bounce back to me (You don't need this)
Bounce bounce baby, Bounce back to me (You don't need this)
This is it, Call it quits with honesty (You don't need this)
Every word is a curse let loose on me
Your mouth it moves but fails to speak
And when you use your lips they better be on me
The lies that tied your tongue in knots
Are the words that grew to hit my spots
So filthy, Dialed desire
Swallowed pride but spit out fire
Liars turn me on
Bed spread bandit since '89
You wear your heart on your sleeve
And threw mine to the sky
Bounce bounce baby, Bounce back to me (You don't need this)
Bounce bounce baby, Bounce back to me (You don't need this)
This is it, Call it quits with honesty (You don't need this)
Every word is a curse let loose on me
Your mouth it moves but fails to speak
And when you use your lips they better be on me
Bounce bounce, baby (Bounce bounce, baby)
Bounce bounce, baby (Bounce bounce, baby)
So filthy, Dialed desire
Swallowed pride but spit out fire
Liars turn me on
Bounce Bounce baby, Bounce back to me (You don't need this)
Bounce bounce baby, Bounce back to me (You don't need this)
This is it, Call it quits with honesty (You don't need this)
Every word is a curse let loose on me
Your mouth it moves but fails to speak
And when you use your lips they better be on me
Joseph Gordon-Levitt
I first saw him in 500 Days of Summer alongside Zooey Deschanel (who was the reason I watched the movie in the first place)
I thought he was cute and downloaded Mysterious Skin.
that's when I fell for him <3 and I heard he's starring in Inception.
I have got to watch the movie.
p/s: he looks a bit like our late Heath Ledger, eh?
I thought he was cute and downloaded Mysterious Skin.
that's when I fell for him <3 and I heard he's starring in Inception.
I have got to watch the movie.
p/s: he looks a bit like our late Heath Ledger, eh?
04 July 2010
03 July 2010
27 June 2010
Careless Whisper
3OH3!
Juliet Simms
Alex Gaskarth of All Time Low (in red)
This trio sang Careless Whisper. And the collaboration is MIND-BLOWING, I say :O
Looklet - Look: Just Black
I got 12 hearts out of this look. I don't think it's the prettiest but the world are my judges.
:)
Remembering Sunday
Woke up from dreaming
And put on his shoes
Starting making his way past 2 in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days
Leaning out into the breeze
Remembering Sunday he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last like the feeling of what he needs
Now this place is familiar to him
She pulls on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs, she led him up stairs
Left him dying to get in
Forgive me I’m trying to find
My calling, I’m calling at night
Don’t mean to be a bother
But have you seen this girl?
She’s been running through my dreams
And its driving me crazy it seems
I’m gonna ask her to marry me
Even though she doesn’t believe in love
He’s determined to call her bluff
Who can deny these butterflies
They’re filling his gut
Waking the neighbors
Unfamiliar faces he pleads though he tries
But he’s only tonight
Now he’s dying to get inside
Forgive me I’m trying to find
My calling, I’m calling at night
Don’t mean to be a bother
But have you seen this girl?
She’s been running through my dreams
And its driving me crazy it seems
I’m gonna ask her to marry me
The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn’t think much of it then
But it started to all make sense
Oh I can see now
That all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my who ever
Where ever she may be
[Juliet Simms:]
I'm not coming back
I've done something so terrible
I’m terrified to speak the truth you'd expect that from me
I’m mixed up, I’ll be blunt
Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair
And out of my mind
keeping an eye on the world
So many thousands of feet off the ground
I'm over you now I'm not home in the clouds
Towering over your hair
[Alex Gaskarth:]
I guess ill go home now
I guess ill go home now
I guess ill go home now
I guess ill go home now
LOVE THIS SONG. LOVE JULIET SIMMS :D
And put on his shoes
Starting making his way past 2 in the morning
He hasn't been sober for days
Leaning out into the breeze
Remembering Sunday he falls to his knees
They had breakfast together
But two eggs don't last like the feeling of what he needs
Now this place is familiar to him
She pulls on his hand with a devilish grin
She led him upstairs, she led him up stairs
Left him dying to get in
Forgive me I’m trying to find
My calling, I’m calling at night
Don’t mean to be a bother
But have you seen this girl?
She’s been running through my dreams
And its driving me crazy it seems
I’m gonna ask her to marry me
Even though she doesn’t believe in love
He’s determined to call her bluff
Who can deny these butterflies
They’re filling his gut
Waking the neighbors
Unfamiliar faces he pleads though he tries
But he’s only tonight
Now he’s dying to get inside
Forgive me I’m trying to find
My calling, I’m calling at night
Don’t mean to be a bother
But have you seen this girl?
She’s been running through my dreams
And its driving me crazy it seems
I’m gonna ask her to marry me
The neighbors said she moved away
Funny how it rained all day
I didn’t think much of it then
But it started to all make sense
Oh I can see now
That all of these clouds
Are following me in my desperate endeavor
To find my who ever
Where ever she may be
[Juliet Simms:]
I'm not coming back
I've done something so terrible
I’m terrified to speak the truth you'd expect that from me
I’m mixed up, I’ll be blunt
Now the rain is just washing you out of my hair
And out of my mind
keeping an eye on the world
So many thousands of feet off the ground
I'm over you now I'm not home in the clouds
Towering over your hair
[Alex Gaskarth:]
I guess ill go home now
I guess ill go home now
I guess ill go home now
I guess ill go home now
LOVE THIS SONG. LOVE JULIET SIMMS :D
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