Tak Rugi Pun

Some people say, ruginya bercinta bertahun-tahun tapi tak kahwin pun in the end.

But..

I mean...

Kenapa nak rugi? The years spent was happy memories kan? You loved him/her once kan? Apa yang rugi?

Eventhough we're not together anymore, I cherish every memory I have with everyone I've been with. They made me happy once, and there's nothing to regret about that.

I never end my stories anyway

There's this story that has been in my head for a while. I just don't have the time to write out. So here's a teaser. The title is just temporary, cause it's too corny and I don't have anything else for now lol. Nama character pun takde lagi trolololol.

On the phone
Hero: Saya nak baliklah weekend ni.
Heroin: Rumah awak? Oh. Hmm saya tak balik kot, nak buat EE lah weekend ni.
Hero: Takkan saya nak balik Kelantan. Rumah awak la.
Heroin: Hmm kalau awak nak spend weekend ni dgn ibu abah, sila lah.
Hero: Alaaa jom laaaa macam lah tak boleh buat EE kat rumah.
Heroin: Memang tak boleh pun. Benda lain yang saya buat karang.
Hero: Jumaat ni balik, saya drive. Bye. Assalamualaikum.
Heroin:...

Rumah
Smpai rumah, heroin masak. Hero tunggu sambil tengok tv. Heroin hidang lauk kat meja. Hero dah sedia tunggu kat meja dan makan dengan berseleranya.

Heroin: Puas hati?
Hero: *buat muka blur tak faham* Hah?
Heroin: Suka la tu, saya tak buat EE sebab nak masak untuk awak.
Hero: *sengih* Eh....
Heroin: Awak ingat saya tak tau awak nak balik sebab ni.
Hero: Saya memang suka awak masak pun
Heroin: Takde lah smpai paksa saya balik rumah. Dah awak complain DS tak sedap the whole week ni, terpaksa saya korbankan EE.
Hero: Malam ni saya tolong awak eh hehe

Hero terus makan dengan lahapnya

*TEASER END*

To be honest, I don't think there will ever be a written form of this story cause my life is just too hectic. The least I can do is just a part of the story. I never end all my stories anyway.

I Have No Idea What Will Happen To Me

I’m at the surau now and there’s no internet as I’m writing. But it’s okay, I’ll post this when my broadband is alive again later. For now, I just really need to pour my heart out.

So remember the last time I post? Yeah, a few hours after that, he texted me. At first we were apologizing for the fight and everything. But I don’t know what came over him, somehow the conversation led to a break up. I immediately asked him will it be for good? And he said only temporary because he still insist on marrying me. After a long talk, it seems like the point of the break up was to concentrate on our studies since all the relationship is doing to us (me especially) is disturbing because we keep fighting all the time, then I can’t do my work and stuff. And I also keep saying that I’m unhappy. So maybe we should break up.

I did think about that a lot lately, I mean before he asked for it. Because it is frankly disturbing me and as I said before I don’t have time for things like this. So I just went along with it and thought it was the best decision at the time. To be honest I was not actually aware of the term break up at the time because I mean, what does a break mean? No contacting? No seeing each other? No what? But what I assume was no contacting and you know, the normal breaking up. Oh he also said that this temporary break is meant to be until the semester ends. Then he’ll be bouncing back to me. Doesn't it sound so easy when he says it?

The night of the break up, I was back in college. I felt miserable as soon as I left my family (cause I had to be in college of course). My roommate wasn’t around cause she went somewhere I don’t know. But when she came back, she gave me Chatime and said it was from him. I mean… what is that? I was confused at the time but ignored it. Oh he also texted me the evening before, which was confusing too. I ignored everything. Until I saw his tweets seemed like he was sad. So I called him and asked what he really wants. He was still on with the break. He just needs getting used to, and he still thinks it’s the best.

Now, the reason I want to write here is… (wow it’s like 3^rd paragraph or something and now I’m starting? Lol) what happened during the break. Today is the 4^th day. I have been here before, after a break. It feels the exact same way. I can’t eat, I feel like puking all the time. The ‘puky’ feeling is COMPLETELY THE SAME when I last break up. Seriously. Like the uneasy feeling in my tummy.

One time I was walking by like a normal person but then my classmates  passed by and said “ Jangan la sedih macam ni”. I didn’t even realize I was making a sad face or whatever sad gestures. Or is it the aura? Can other people feel it?

Since the break I’ve been talking to a lot of people especially my classmates about it. And I needed that. I need to talk it out with people and I can’t let it terperap in me. That’s just not me. Or else I’ll blow up. I also talked to Mama about it a lot. Ayah too. A mature perspective.

Overall, most of the time I have this conflict in myself where I argue whether I should be happy and ignore it or over thinking and be sad. As of now, I feel fine. I don’t know. It’s a roller coaster of mood swings. He still texts me every day, just less than usual and no loved dovey stuff.

I have no idea what will happen to me. Blergh.

My English is all over the place. But I don’t care because I just want to let this out.