So the other day I finally told everything to a friend of mine who I shouldn't be mentioning her name here, I think. She was very inspirational. What happened to her was far worse than what happened to me. She got right back up and was very strong. But that happened way back before, I can't remember when. She finally got over the guy and really changed herself to be a better muslimah. And I am in awe with her achievement. The thing is she told me that everything she does as of today is for the sake of Allah. She didnt care what anybody else thinks, she just do it for herself and for Allah. And now, she seems so happy and she said she is happy. It just makes me confident that I did the right thing leaving him. It makes me feel confident that one day I will achieve the happiness that she's going through now. And I'll be okay. She's like a living proof that Allah's rewards is far better than anything else you plan. He knows more than you. So I should really leave everything to Him and bertawakal.
Anyway after our long and deep conversation, she told me about one of the problem she's having. She said she was grateful that she wore the hijab right after she had that hunch after her break up. Because if she didn't, she doesnt think she would've worn it now. And I asked her why. She said it was because nowadays she feels like it's a burden to wear them. She couldn't wait to go back to her room from class cause she wanted to take them off. Of course, then she'll istighfar and try to purify back her niat. That was one of the obstacle for her to become a better muslimah. She tried very hard to make wearing hijab something she would LIKE to do. So she cut her hair off very short, VERY short. And maybe it looks, insignificant, but personally I believe Allah sees her effort to be better. It seemed small but her heart really wants to do it because of Allah.
Next she told me about this guy that keeps messaging her via Facebook. A senior. He asked for her number, and she didn't give it to him. But the guy keeps contacting her through Facebook. And she tried to make it stop politely. Because she doesn't want t be texting some guy and stuff like that. She really believes that Haram relationship is going no where. So she wants it to stop. As of now, she's still trying to tell the guy politely taht she's not into stuff like flirting or texting or whatever you kids do. I still don't know if that came through.
I want to highlight here is about test and tribulations. My friend's obstacle was about covering her aurah. She wants to with all her heart, but it was difficult for her. As of me, covering my aurah is simple to me I don't mind wearing tudung labuh, or handsocks or socks. I really honestly don't mind. But when it comes to boys, it was so easy for her to just push the guy away because she doesnt want to get involved in a haram relationship. Not that it's difficult for me, but there is always another new guy around the corner and it's so easy for me to just fall for another guy. Everybody else in my life knows this. Even they are sure that there's gonna be another guy coming for me after this break up. It's just the matter of am I gonna turn him down or not. Am I strong enough to push him away? I don't know. And I wish, I PRAY that Allah gives me strength so I wouldn't fall for another guy who is just gonna end up breaking my heart. Like what happened million times before in previous life. I dont want another boy. I want a man, who will treat me right, and straight marry me. I'm just gonna sit quietly until that man comes.
Another point I want to highlight, why I think Allah made this as ujian for me. If I reflect back about my life, my happiness has always been determined by my love life. My mood, everything about me is mostly affected by my love life. So maybe, He gives this ujian (my love life) because He knows this is the only way He can pull me back to Him. He knows this will impact me the most, and I would make the most out of it. Allah loves me that much. Allah wants me to go back to Him. And finally, I am answering His calling.
