I was just about to get cozy in my bed to do some blogging and then off to sleep, I don't know why but I'm so sleepy right now, and then abang called to ask me to pick him up in 30 minutes. Blerghhhh. Penat...
Anyway, I was about to say that I am very overwhelmed at the moment because of the fact that my parents are trying so hard to cheer me up. Yes I told them everything. Down to the break up and insecurities and loads of other bullshit I'm going through. They were mostly worried about the insecurities because they still couldn't believe their prized possession daughter feels this way. Every night they'll ask if I'm okay and I'll say I'm fine. But it's true though I'm fine. I don't cry to sleep or anything. But it's just this particular feeling that I feel sometimes, when I'm alone. But there are ways to get rid of it. Like praying, reading the Quran or watch certain videos. I've recently obtained a video of someone who was quite important in my life, wishing me Happy Birthday. And I watch it when I'm down, so I can get back up again :)
I feel like I should write just to express myself. Especially when I'm staying off twitter for a while. I mean, I didn't deactivate my account or anything, I just stayed away from my phone and from scrolling or tweeting anything. I'm also off instagram (except when I want to post pictures of my baked goods). I just think those things are inflicting pain to me as of now, and I really don't need it. It's also a way for me to train myself to ignore what other people might say about me or not about me. Just clear my thoughts about anybody else but myself. I am in the process of loving myself. Now I feel that Allah loves me :)
Hmm what else should I write...? Ahah
To be honest, I kind of expected this. Not expected... just like... I'm not shocked that this happened. It's bound to happen. I mean, his sweet words. They were so easy for him to say to me. Almost too easy. Almost made up. Almost feel too good to be true. That deep down, I know that he could've said it to just anyone. I mean, that was my FIRST impression of him. A sweet talker, a player. Even throughout the relationship, Mama knows how he is with me. Sometimes she reads my whatsapps with him, and Mama would warn me about these kinds of guys. With mouths that grows flowers or something. She would just warn, and I would be reminded to be careful. And I do. I was careful, not to let myself drown in his words. But at the same time, I guess I couldn't help but to give him a chance to prove that he's different. Not that I was 100% sure that he was different, but I just decided to take that risk. And I was careful. I guess that's why it doesn't hurt so much this time.
You know what they say, if you don't have high expectations, you won't get hurt as much. Right?
I think now, I'm just disappointed with myself. This isn't the first time I've been here. I'm angry that I let myself fall for someone who didn't even know what love is.
Mama says he's a rebound. Is he? A rebound?
