Let's discuss about something obvious, something I've been avoiding for a very long time but obviously it's just a big elephant in the room. Sigh. There is a very long list of things I just can't right in front of my face. Cause it reminds me of him. Here it goes.
Banana
Filling up my car with gas (cause he was the one that taught me how)
Dota (my brother even stopped playing this holiday because he knew how I felt when he looked at me catching him playing the game)
All the places we've been together (Sunway Pyramid, Curve, Wondermilk, Paradigm etc.) KLCC not so much cause I have so many other memories there.
The DC shop at Pavi cause I bought his birthday present there.
Probably every movie we watched together (Life of Pi, Fast 6, The Croods, Pacific Rim etc.) I can list them all, but nobody cares right?
Ayam Percik
Spaghetti
Damansara (even seeing it on the map, even driving at the same road there)
Joker and Harley Quinn
That place where you cut your hair like Macklemore
Okay I'm done. There are so much more. But I'm just done. Because everytime I think about it. They are all just lies. LIES. None of them were real to him. How can it be, when he doesn't even know what love is?
I know for a fact that he was in my life, not as a LESSON. Because I've been here before. What happened between us, I already learned other guys. This isnt my first time falling in love. Not my first heartbreak. I've had many previous boyfriends who hurt me just the same. So no, this isn't a lesson. I do think about why he was he in my life. And I think it's because that's what I've been asking for this whole time. Since I was a kid I've been dreaming about having a boyfriend who drives to my house to pick me up and honk his car and I would hear it and ran downstairs to go out for a date with him. A boyfriend who spoils me with gifts and pay for my meal. A boyfriend who brings me to places I've never been. A boyfriend who drowns me with his sweet words. So maybe God wanted to let have a taste of it. Maybe he was meant to bring me happiness, unfortunately just for a brief moment. Very brief. Maybe God made it brief, so He can give someone better. Someone who suits me well. Someone who don't have to give all that stuff, but loves me, and loves me because of Allah. And this is the only way He can do it.
I found out a lot about him after the break. And I thank Allah that He didn't let me marry that kind of guy.
