The title is due to the song I'm listening to right now, by A Rocket To The Moon. Every song I hear reminds me of him, because 99% of the song I listen to comes from him. Whatever, that's not the point.
Anyway, yesterday was a blast. I had bonding time with a lot of people. No, actually the special bonding I think is with Mimi and Amy. I never felt closer to them like I did yesterday. I've been very open lately. I tell people how I really feel. I don't hide them anymore. It's good. People actually listen to what I had to say and they care.
I talked to my brother, big brother. I asked him if he was happy. To be frank, I've been asking people that question a lot. It's starting to feel like it's my tag line or something. Haha. Anyway, he tells me that he's happy and why he is. I asked more questions and he answered them. If you knew him, you'd know that he is the most jiwang person I know. But I enjoyed talking to him tonight. We shared a few things.
When I think about my friends, that feeling of despair suddenly vanished.
I feel like I need to be around people, constantly. Or I'll break down or something.
Mother is actually being very kind. It's quite obvious even though she tries to be subtle. When I'm still with him, mother always tease and say mean things, implying that she wishes we would just break up. But now, that it's actually a possibility, she's being nice about it. He comes up in our daily conversations sometimes, but she knows when to say something and when to stay silent. She doesn't say mean things anymore. She knows I'm in pain.
I am currently loving everyone around me.
Oh, and I was thinking the other day, and I thought, this is just like dangdut boy all over again (I don't know why I have to still call him dangdut boy, the dangdut incident was a long time ago, but I don't know what else to call him). What I mean is, you know, I'm playing the desperate girl, he's playing I don't give a damn(title!) about you anymore, bla bla bla. It's frickin deja vu.
I promised myself if this were ever to happen again, I would act differently. And I am. My pride is all that's left. I already gave everything else away.
Something happened to one of my friends, and it made me realized just how lucky I am. There shouldn't be a reason for me to be depressed. But I guess, that's why they say nobody's perfect. Because people have different priorities. Different passion. My life is all about this 'thing'. And her life is all about 'the other thing'. The 'things' just fall in opposite places.
I'm starting to not make any sense at all. Maybe, it's THE NIGHT. Good night.
