budak sbelah meja

Aku mkn di sebuah restoran yang konon facy la. And ade sorg budak yg duduk di meja sbelah meja aku. So? Bace ape yg budak ni fikir.

Aku masuk restoran...
Pandangan pertama
Si budak : boleh tahan lawa pompuan ni

Aku dok kat meja sbelah meja dia...
Pandangan kedua
Si budak : ceh, nak dok bersila jugk. Hmm, lawa topi dia.

Aku order, then terkentut...
Pandangan ketiga
Si budak : busuknye, spe kentut ni. Eh, tersengih sengih plak dia.

Makanan dah sampai. Aku pon mkn...
Pandangan keempat
Si budak : makan beurger pkai pisau garpu. Pergh.

Da habis makan. Dan aku BURP sekuat-kuatnye...
Pandangan kelima
Si budak : adoi, xble kuat lg ke? Aku x habis mkn lg, dia da habis.

Aku main taik mate...
Pandangan keenam
Si budak : eeeeeeee, dia buat ape tu?!

Aku blk umah...
Si budak : pelik benor bdk tu.

...married happily ever after

i know i'm still young and stupid yadayada whatsoever. but i'm really just saying it because it's what i really want and i will try my best to give the best interest in it and will try to grab that chance of happiness.

here it goes.

i wanna get married. i mean with him. like seriously, i've never thought about marrying this one particular guy since... well since dangdut boy. i want him to be my husband. i want him to be the first to touch me, to hug me and to kiss me. i want him to be the father of my child and raise a family with him. i have it all figured out. i know its too early and all. but i cant help it just to plan out my future, with him. when i imagined it, its like a real true happiness. but, reality check, 'happily ever after' doesn't happen to anyone. so i realize i have to work really hard to get this happiness. and i've been planning everything since the day i want to marry him. i've sort things out.

it's just... he has to play his part too. i dont know how to put this in words. we need knowledge to survive. and to raise a family, we need money, other than love and commitment. RESPONSIBILITY. responsibility is important. it covers everything down to money, love, commitment. we need all that to survive marriage and gain that 'happy ever after'. i've done everything i could. but i need him to play his part to get THIS THAT EVERYTHING. i really hope it'll all work out, somehow.

after all that we've been through, i have to marry him. i have to. and i want to.

and that's why if you wanna marry me, you have to study. from now. sigh.

atuk

ari tu tok abah dtg. me and tok abah, tak rapat sgt. tak rapat langsung, to be exact.

but ari tu dia dtg. pastu i was fighting with my cousin. afiq. i want my mp3 back. afiq curi. so gadoh. patu tok abah cakap "ape bende ni? gadoh gadoh." patu i smiled at him. i dont know why.

then he touched my face. he said something like "eleh". i dnt recall. then, i just felt something. oh, and he smiled when he touched my face.

i felt like i actually matter in his life. and i know tht he matters in my life. since then, i keep noticing that whatever i do, or anyone else does for that matter, he notice. he's observing everything even if he doesnt say anything. and i kind of know when he smiles, if he really is smiling or not. i mean, sometimes he smiles, but i know he's not happy. i just felt like it.

when he touched my face and smiled, he seems happy.

i dnt knw why i wrote this. it's just, when he touched me, i feel... i dnt knw, something big and unexplainable. i couldnt tell anyone. so i wrote.

is it psychotic to write this? it seems so. heh.

in love

please be noted, that i am irrevocably in love <3

whatever you like

kisah cinta yang sebenarnye, semua berasaskan kebendaan. ayat kheling+skema. aku tau.

aku suke lagu whatever you like by T.I yg hensem nk mati tu.

"my chick could have what she want
and go to any store for any bag she want
and know she aint never had a man like tht
to buy her anything her heart desire like that
yea i want ur body, need ur body
long as you get me you wont need nobody
you want it i got it, go get it i buy it
tellem other brok nigga be quiet"

BABY YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE.
aku suke ayat tu. and aku pasti ramai pompuan suke klu bf dorg ckp camtu kat dorg.
face reality, man. love has become something materialistic :P

i face it.

friend test

Create your own Friend Test here

panic attack

i looked up on the internet, and i found out that i suffer from short term triggering panic attack.

and the causes are: significant personal loss, including an emotional attachment to a romantic partner, life transitions, significant life change, stimulants such as caffeine or nicotine, or the drugs marijuana or psilocybin.

those that i bold, are all the causes.

the symptoms:

Heart palpitations

Diaphoresis or perspiration

Trembling or tremors

Dyspnea

Hyperventilation

Chills

Hot flashes

Nausea

Abdominal pain or abdominal cramping

Chest pain

Headache

Dizziness

Lightheadedness

Faintness

Tightness in throat

Tunnel vision

Trouble swallowing

A sense of impending death

Feeling like one is experiencing a myocardial infarction (heart attack)

those i bold is what's happening to me.

damn. i am sick.

sakit

When you’re under pressure, it hurts. Inside, usually. But sometimes you can’t simply hide it because it shows on the outside. I’m not talking about crying. That’s just crap, bullshit. Crying is the least of it.

I’m under pressure. And things happen when I’m stressed, like really stressed. There are a few things that I do to prevent too much stress. I brush my teeth. I clean up my room in the middle of the night. And stuff like that.

Wait, there’s something I wanna say. It just won’t come out, yet. Wait. Sigh.

I keep saying I’m hurt. But I said other things too. Like ‘sakit’. It’s true. I’m not hurt. I’m sick.
You know, stuff like that? I get sick when I’m under pressure, when I’m in a lot of stress.
Do you know that? That… that kind of pain? The pain when you feel nausea all the time. You puke. You wake up suddenly in the middle of the night and realize you’re not breathing, and you try so hard to breathe but you just couldn’t. And for a second you thought you’re heart’s not beating. And you feel scared. Its 3 in the morning and you can’t sleep and you feel so alone and it felt like dying but you know it’s just nothing, because the only thing that happened was losing somebody important in you life. Now, why the hell would you stop breathing just cause you lost someone? Right? It’s absurd.

And you wait from 3 a.m. to 8 a.m. and thinking should I wake up? You want to wake up, but if you think again, what will happen to you if you wake up now? Would anybody care if you wake up now? And yes, there are some people who would care. But what about him? Would he care? It’s stupid and absurd. But things like this crossed your mind every morning.

You cant sleep, its 8 a.m, and you’re still in bed. And you feel itchy all over your body. And you feel nausea again. Your back hurts. And your eyes hurt too, they’re all puffy red. And at last, you’re still gonna wake up and finding yourself kneeling on the bathroom floor with your head in the toilet’s bowl. Something is trying to get out of you. You don’t knw what it is and it’s probably the pain that’s trying to go away. But you won’t let it, because the process of it going away is painful itself. Sigh.

Do you understand me? That kind of pain. This crap I’m writing is somewhat an explanation of this ‘sakit’ I’m having. Do you get me? Because I don’t think there is any other way for me to tell you what is happening to me. You think I’m hurt. No I’m not. I just don’t know how to tell you this. All I know is I told you, aku sakit. It’s a word for ‘hurt’ and ‘sick’. Its either I’m hurt or I’m sick. And you think I’m hurt. No, I’m not. I’m sick. I told you.

I didn’t ask for this. Once, I told you that I know what is gonna happen when you hurt me like this. And this happens. I just… *sigh I didn’t ask for this.

i dont love him anymore

sumone who knows me better than i do, told me that i dnt actually love this hindustan guy. instead , he said, the only person i love is the dangdutt boy. haha.

i trust him. because he knows me. yea. i do. he tells me tht this hindustan is just probably a phase.

he knows how i talk abt hindustan. and he knows how i talk abt dangdut. he knows everything and he's just like a person watching from the outside. so he probably knows best. right.

so, i dont love him anymore. because he said i dont have to :)

hindustan 8

i keep changing my mind. about you. i'm sorry. i'm such a pain in the ass. i know. i'm still trying, you knw, moving on. its hard. but i'll manage, hopefully.

your top friend. i was the third and she was after me. i mean, is tht even real? sigh.

i'm hearing from three sides.

you- i love you and her.
him 1- he loves both and dnt wanna hurt anybody.
him2-he loves her, and doesnt love you.

my head is exploding, but i hv friends. and family. so i'm okay. i am not alone. correct?

Right. sigh.

wait. i love you and him too. so, fair and square? heh. i'm crapping again. whatever. chow.