10 Random Facts On Thursday Night

1. Beside stalking Kristen Stewart and Miley Cyrus on Tumblr, I started stalking Cristiano Ronaldo too. Blame my room mate :P
2. It has been two nights since he last called. Maybe I need him because of my stressed incident this evening?
3. I hate going back and forth to fax something on a stupid fax machine that won't work.
4. It's more than a kilometer away, and I have to WALK okay.
5. I have a test for Islamic Studies tomorrow.
6. I studied this evening.
7. I know it's not enough but here I am, still on my blog and Tumblr and Twitter, stalking people who never knew I exist.
8. Money is flying out of my purse like they have wings.
9. But I need to save for Big Bang's Alive Tour :'(
10. Found someone (a classmate) who have quite the same taste in music as I am, we listen to Pierce The Veil, peace :)

Good night fellas. 

Red Velvet Cupcakes

This is something I didn't tell anybody. Seriously, because it was a small matter but I made it look like a huge matter. But wait, you don't know how I feel inside, and I don't need to explain it to you.

I came home last week because a lot of class were cancelled. So I quickly decided that I'm going to bake when I get home. So I bought everything at Hero after deciding to bake Red Velvet Cupcakes.

The thing is when I bake, I like to watch the videos, aside from just reading the recipes. I like to do the exact  way to do it. It doesn't say in the recipe to use any specific type of mixer. But the video used this kind of mixer (I don't know how to explain) but I know that it's expensive and it looks nothing like my cheap mixer. Okay, I don't want to sound ungrateful, but this is not the first time I've used the mixer, and the batch didn't turned out well.

But the cupcakes batch turned up well, they always do. It's the stupid frosting. Every time I use heavy cream for frosting, it wont whip completely, and so it has no peak, it couldn't stand on it's own. It's too runny. I was so pissed at the frosting that I cried.

Please, I beg, PLEASE! Do not judge me for crying. Everybody else was just laughing it off when I cried, like how could I cry over a simple, minute matter. YOU DON'T GET IT. From what you did, you just made me feel as if crying is a sign of weakness, when what I feel actually, crying is just a form of expression. I FEEL A LOT BETTER AFTER THAT. They keep saying that I should just let it go because the taste is good, it's only un-presentable. They had to pour the frosting on top of the cupcake instead of piping it properly.

This happened unconsciously, but after settling down and everything (meaning fixing the frosting by making another butter cream frosting), I thought about what happened.

The truth is, I baked because I wanted to bake, not because I wanted to eat the red velvet cupcakes. If I wanted to eat it, of course I'd be okay if the frosting were ruined by appearance, because the taste is still there. If I wanted to just eat the cupcakes, I would've gone to the mall and bought some, right?

And the reason I want to bake so badly, is because... I'm in Perak now, when am I going to bake again, especially when I barely come home? Sounds like a bad excuse right? But it's the truth.

Sadly, no one know this. I didn't tell anybody, I was too busy crying and fixing the cupcake.

...and now they think I'm just this weak creature who cries when she spoiled her own cupcake.

New Life

Hah, I knew I wouldn't commit to this. Sigh. But I did say I'll try right? It's just the gap is too big and there's a lot of explanations to be made before I can tell about my day. Should I just lay out the basic stuffs? 

Okay. First of all, I'm in Universiti Teknologi Petronas, Foundation in Civil Engineering, May 2012 intake :) It's situated in Tronoh, Perak. About 2 hours and a half from my home, Kualala Lumpur. I've been here for almost a month now. 

Okay, that's all about that, I feel boring writing it out, ugh. 

 Let's talk about feelings, because it's something you don't talk about everyday right? It's something you keep inside. 

 To be frank, I'm leading a happy life, but we can't run away from the sad part of life. Right now, that would be being away from my family, friends and loved ones. Biggest problem over here. I'm not used to being away from the people I care. I'm also not that independent (according to my friends, ye ke?). Anyway, I'm still happy when I'm surrounded with the people in UTP. For example, my super duper awesome room mate/course mate/tutorial mate/lab mate. Banyak kan? Haha. Thank God kami satu kepala :D 

If you ask me to describe life in university in 2 words I would say: difficult and freedom. The first one is the bad part, and the second one is the good part. So, I think it's balance, both are new experiences. Life wasn't difficult before, but I didn't have freedom. Now it's vice versa. 

Okay now I feel like talking about MY MAN. God knows how much I miss him but the fact that I'm super busy keeps me from feeling crappy about being so far away from him. And, being in a long distance relation-ship for almost 2 months now, i have something to say actually. 

"Jangan pandang rendah. Distance can actually make the relationship stronger."

2012

Wow, this will be the first post in 2012. Phew, it's been a busy year. That's probably why I haven't updated, like, at all.

If I want to update about current situations then it'll be too long. And it's past mid night and I should sleep. Maybe just a little bit intro?

How about... I'm a very happy person now. That would be a shock because I usually blog when something's wrong in my life. But I guess not at this time. Maybe because I'm far away from the people I'm most close with, I keep in contact but distance still interrupts the communication in a way. Uuuu wasn't that a spoiler? Haha. So everyone that I'm close with is not with me and I guess I just need a medium or an outlet to just completely be myself and let it all out.

Blogspot, you exist for that right?

But in the meantime, it's late night and I should sleep.

I won't promise I'll completely commit because university life is just hectic over here (uuuu more spoilers), but I'll try.

And so, adios amigos. Good night :)

First of all, situasi dah berubah since the last post. Perubahan yang sangat mendadak. Tapi malas nak cerita.

Okay. So. I used to have a lot of issues. I wouldn't call them problems because they're not as big as a real problem. Isu pertama, nak repair basikal. Isu kedua, saya gemuk, bila nak kurus? Isu ketiga, tak nak naik van pergi sekolah, nak naik basikal. Isu keempat, SPM is coming, bila nak start belajar? But this issues means nothing today, right now, these couple weeks. They are still there, but they don't fill my head. I guess it's because my head is full. Even SPM is barely planted in my mind. Terukkan? I don't think about these issues anymore even when they are not yet resolved.

My head is full. Do you know what it is filled with?
Ada laa, tak nak bagitau.

I'm currently reading an adult novel titled Cheyney Fox. I am purposely reading the book to expand the extent of my vocabulary. I find the words quite difficult to understand and I've been reading it with a dictionary by my side.

I went shopping with Mama and Syasya today. And partly with Abang and Ayah. It's a 2 in 1 present and time-to-time-shopping (faham ke?). The thing is, my wardrobe has been spacey for quite some time, I need more clothes. And alang-alang nak dekat birthday ni, why don't make it a birthday present. So we went shopping. At the end of the day, Mama realized she spent too much on me, so she decided to NOT get a birthday cake on my birthday. Of course I protest since it's the best part of birthdays for me. When it comes to birthdays, the first thought that popped would be 'what kind of cake do I want?' then comes 'what do I want from Mama and Ayah for my birthday?'. But this year, I didn't even had time to think about presents. My head is full, remember? Tau tau je dah bulan 4.

Ayah and Mama accused me of playing dirty tricks. I was cleaning my wardrobe this morning. They said I purposely did that to show them I don't have enough clothes. And when we arrived at the mall, my selipar tercabut. They said I purposely did that too. I swear I didn't. It was all a coincidence.

I can't wait to show him my clothes. I always do that. Whenever I bought new clothes, he'll come to see them.

Give A Damn

The title is due to the song I'm listening to right now, by A Rocket To The Moon. Every song I hear reminds me of him, because 99% of the song I listen to comes from him. Whatever, that's not the point.

Anyway, yesterday was a blast. I had bonding time with a lot of people. No, actually the special bonding I think is with Mimi and Amy. I never felt closer to them like I did yesterday. I've been very open lately. I tell people how I really feel. I don't hide them anymore. It's good. People actually listen to what I had to say and they care.

I talked to my brother, big brother. I asked him if he was happy. To be frank, I've been asking people that question a lot. It's starting to feel like it's my tag line or something. Haha. Anyway, he tells me that he's happy and why he is. I asked more questions and he answered them. If you knew him, you'd know that he is the most jiwang person I know. But I enjoyed talking to him tonight. We shared a few things.

When I think about my friends, that feeling of despair suddenly vanished.

I feel like I need to be around people, constantly. Or I'll break down or something.

Mother is actually being very kind. It's quite obvious even though she tries to be subtle. When I'm still with him, mother always tease and say mean things, implying that she wishes we would just break up. But now, that it's actually a possibility, she's being nice about it. He comes up in our daily conversations sometimes, but she knows when to say something and when to stay silent. She doesn't say mean things anymore. She knows I'm in pain.

I am currently loving everyone around me.

Oh, and I was thinking the other day, and I thought, this is just like dangdut boy all over again (I don't know why I have to still call him dangdut boy, the dangdut incident was a long time ago, but I don't know what else to call him). What I mean is, you know, I'm playing the desperate girl, he's playing I don't give a damn(title!) about you anymore, bla bla bla. It's frickin deja vu.

I promised myself if this were ever to happen again, I would act differently. And I am. My pride is all that's left. I already gave everything else away.

Something happened to one of my friends, and it made me realized just how lucky I am. There shouldn't be a reason for me to be depressed. But I guess, that's why they say nobody's perfect. Because people have different priorities. Different passion. My life is all about this 'thing'. And her life is all about 'the other thing'. The 'things' just fall in opposite places.

I'm starting to not make any sense at all. Maybe, it's THE NIGHT. Good night.

Monday

The title is not captivating at all. Haha, reminds me of Rebecca Black, who taught everybody to read the calendar. Never mind.

How ever boring my life is, I will still put it in this blog, because it is a way to express myself, which is... good, right?

Today, I practiced 'Like We Used To' on my piano. I want to make another YouTube video piano cover. Hopefully, I succeed it. Then I watched a few movies. I watched Ellen Page in Whip It. She's just so adorable, it is impossible to not fall in love with her. I think I have crush on her. Then I got bored with the internet and started to draw. I'm not finished yet. I'm colouring with Sharpie for the second time. Not my best medium but you know what they say, practice makes perfect.

Amy told me I should sew, to take my mind off things. I want to. But I haven't got any nice cloth. I'll make it work though.

I've been cleaning my room a lot, 'to take my mind off things'.

I'm happy not because you left me, but because I have everything else in life.

Hikayat Merong Mahawangsa

I watched the movie and I thought it was an international standard and it makes me proud to be a Malaysian. Go KRU! 3 geniuses.

What else did I do? I went to piano lesson. I hardly practice for this lesson but teacher said I'm improving. Kudos for me!

I dressed up today. It feels like I haven't been dressing up for quite a long time. Maybe this 'thing' is making me feel like I need to look good. I wore a long plaid blouse, brownish, yellowish, reddish, just lots of colours. And I wore neon yellow skinny jeans. Black sneakers. And a brownish scarf. I even ironed the scarf. And put on make up. I miss my make up. I didn't put on contacts though. Cause I don't even bother. Anyway, my outfit today was very self-expressive. Yellow is a happy colour right?

I posted the gif I made last Friday. The day when everything went spiraling downwards. I finally have the guts to post it on Tumblr. I wanted to show him first before putting it up. But he won't talk to me, so...

I hate feeling vulnerable. Especially when people know at the time, that I'm vulnerable. These kind of things make it so hard for people to communicate, to just talk. But the truth is, everyone is vulnerable at some point, and when you talk it out, you would actually feel less vulnerable. There's really nothing to be ashamed of.

I feel like puking all day.

Good night.

2006

I just read my 2006 posts. And I have one thing to say.

My English SUCKS! Bad.