budak sbelah meja

Aku mkn di sebuah restoran yang konon facy la. And ade sorg budak yg duduk di meja sbelah meja aku. So? Bace ape yg budak ni fikir.

Aku masuk restoran...
Pandangan pertama
Si budak : boleh tahan lawa pompuan ni

Aku dok kat meja sbelah meja dia...
Pandangan kedua
Si budak : ceh, nak dok bersila jugk. Hmm, lawa topi dia.

Aku order, then terkentut...
Pandangan ketiga
Si budak : busuknye, spe kentut ni. Eh, tersengih sengih plak dia.

Makanan dah sampai. Aku pon mkn...
Pandangan keempat
Si budak : makan beurger pkai pisau garpu. Pergh.

Da habis makan. Dan aku BURP sekuat-kuatnye...
Pandangan kelima
Si budak : adoi, xble kuat lg ke? Aku x habis mkn lg, dia da habis.

Aku main taik mate...
Pandangan keenam
Si budak : eeeeeeee, dia buat ape tu?!

Aku blk umah...
Si budak : pelik benor bdk tu.

...married happily ever after

i know i'm still young and stupid yadayada whatsoever. but i'm really just saying it because it's what i really want and i will try my best to give the best interest in it and will try to grab that chance of happiness.

here it goes.

i wanna get married. i mean with him. like seriously, i've never thought about marrying this one particular guy since... well since dangdut boy. i want him to be my husband. i want him to be the first to touch me, to hug me and to kiss me. i want him to be the father of my child and raise a family with him. i have it all figured out. i know its too early and all. but i cant help it just to plan out my future, with him. when i imagined it, its like a real true happiness. but, reality check, 'happily ever after' doesn't happen to anyone. so i realize i have to work really hard to get this happiness. and i've been planning everything since the day i want to marry him. i've sort things out.

it's just... he has to play his part too. i dont know how to put this in words. we need knowledge to survive. and to raise a family, we need money, other than love and commitment. RESPONSIBILITY. responsibility is important. it covers everything down to money, love, commitment. we need all that to survive marriage and gain that 'happy ever after'. i've done everything i could. but i need him to play his part to get THIS THAT EVERYTHING. i really hope it'll all work out, somehow.

after all that we've been through, i have to marry him. i have to. and i want to.

and that's why if you wanna marry me, you have to study. from now. sigh.

atuk

ari tu tok abah dtg. me and tok abah, tak rapat sgt. tak rapat langsung, to be exact.

but ari tu dia dtg. pastu i was fighting with my cousin. afiq. i want my mp3 back. afiq curi. so gadoh. patu tok abah cakap "ape bende ni? gadoh gadoh." patu i smiled at him. i dont know why.

then he touched my face. he said something like "eleh". i dnt recall. then, i just felt something. oh, and he smiled when he touched my face.

i felt like i actually matter in his life. and i know tht he matters in my life. since then, i keep noticing that whatever i do, or anyone else does for that matter, he notice. he's observing everything even if he doesnt say anything. and i kind of know when he smiles, if he really is smiling or not. i mean, sometimes he smiles, but i know he's not happy. i just felt like it.

when he touched my face and smiled, he seems happy.

i dnt knw why i wrote this. it's just, when he touched me, i feel... i dnt knw, something big and unexplainable. i couldnt tell anyone. so i wrote.

is it psychotic to write this? it seems so. heh.

in love

please be noted, that i am irrevocably in love <3

whatever you like

kisah cinta yang sebenarnye, semua berasaskan kebendaan. ayat kheling+skema. aku tau.

aku suke lagu whatever you like by T.I yg hensem nk mati tu.

"my chick could have what she want
and go to any store for any bag she want
and know she aint never had a man like tht
to buy her anything her heart desire like that
yea i want ur body, need ur body
long as you get me you wont need nobody
you want it i got it, go get it i buy it
tellem other brok nigga be quiet"

BABY YOU CAN HAVE WHATEVER YOU LIKE.
aku suke ayat tu. and aku pasti ramai pompuan suke klu bf dorg ckp camtu kat dorg.
face reality, man. love has become something materialistic :P

i face it.

friend test

Create your own Friend Test here

panic attack

i looked up on the internet, and i found out that i suffer from short term triggering panic attack.

and the causes are: significant personal loss, including an emotional attachment to a romantic partner, life transitions, significant life change, stimulants such as caffeine or nicotine, or the drugs marijuana or psilocybin.

those that i bold, are all the causes.

the symptoms:

Heart palpitations

Diaphoresis or perspiration

Trembling or tremors

Dyspnea

Hyperventilation

Chills

Hot flashes

Nausea

Abdominal pain or abdominal cramping

Chest pain

Headache

Dizziness

Lightheadedness

Faintness

Tightness in throat

Tunnel vision

Trouble swallowing

A sense of impending death

Feeling like one is experiencing a myocardial infarction (heart attack)

those i bold is what's happening to me.

damn. i am sick.

sakit

When you’re under pressure, it hurts. Inside, usually. But sometimes you can’t simply hide it because it shows on the outside. I’m not talking about crying. That’s just crap, bullshit. Crying is the least of it.

I’m under pressure. And things happen when I’m stressed, like really stressed. There are a few things that I do to prevent too much stress. I brush my teeth. I clean up my room in the middle of the night. And stuff like that.

Wait, there’s something I wanna say. It just won’t come out, yet. Wait. Sigh.

I keep saying I’m hurt. But I said other things too. Like ‘sakit’. It’s true. I’m not hurt. I’m sick.
You know, stuff like that? I get sick when I’m under pressure, when I’m in a lot of stress.
Do you know that? That… that kind of pain? The pain when you feel nausea all the time. You puke. You wake up suddenly in the middle of the night and realize you’re not breathing, and you try so hard to breathe but you just couldn’t. And for a second you thought you’re heart’s not beating. And you feel scared. Its 3 in the morning and you can’t sleep and you feel so alone and it felt like dying but you know it’s just nothing, because the only thing that happened was losing somebody important in you life. Now, why the hell would you stop breathing just cause you lost someone? Right? It’s absurd.

And you wait from 3 a.m. to 8 a.m. and thinking should I wake up? You want to wake up, but if you think again, what will happen to you if you wake up now? Would anybody care if you wake up now? And yes, there are some people who would care. But what about him? Would he care? It’s stupid and absurd. But things like this crossed your mind every morning.

You cant sleep, its 8 a.m, and you’re still in bed. And you feel itchy all over your body. And you feel nausea again. Your back hurts. And your eyes hurt too, they’re all puffy red. And at last, you’re still gonna wake up and finding yourself kneeling on the bathroom floor with your head in the toilet’s bowl. Something is trying to get out of you. You don’t knw what it is and it’s probably the pain that’s trying to go away. But you won’t let it, because the process of it going away is painful itself. Sigh.

Do you understand me? That kind of pain. This crap I’m writing is somewhat an explanation of this ‘sakit’ I’m having. Do you get me? Because I don’t think there is any other way for me to tell you what is happening to me. You think I’m hurt. No I’m not. I just don’t know how to tell you this. All I know is I told you, aku sakit. It’s a word for ‘hurt’ and ‘sick’. Its either I’m hurt or I’m sick. And you think I’m hurt. No, I’m not. I’m sick. I told you.

I didn’t ask for this. Once, I told you that I know what is gonna happen when you hurt me like this. And this happens. I just… *sigh I didn’t ask for this.

i dont love him anymore

sumone who knows me better than i do, told me that i dnt actually love this hindustan guy. instead , he said, the only person i love is the dangdutt boy. haha.

i trust him. because he knows me. yea. i do. he tells me tht this hindustan is just probably a phase.

he knows how i talk abt hindustan. and he knows how i talk abt dangdut. he knows everything and he's just like a person watching from the outside. so he probably knows best. right.

so, i dont love him anymore. because he said i dont have to :)

hindustan 8

i keep changing my mind. about you. i'm sorry. i'm such a pain in the ass. i know. i'm still trying, you knw, moving on. its hard. but i'll manage, hopefully.

your top friend. i was the third and she was after me. i mean, is tht even real? sigh.

i'm hearing from three sides.

you- i love you and her.
him 1- he loves both and dnt wanna hurt anybody.
him2-he loves her, and doesnt love you.

my head is exploding, but i hv friends. and family. so i'm okay. i am not alone. correct?

Right. sigh.

wait. i love you and him too. so, fair and square? heh. i'm crapping again. whatever. chow.

brandi carlile the story

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you
I climbed across the mountain tops
Swam all across the ocean blue
I crossed all the lines and I broke all the rules
But baby I broke them all for you
Because even when I was flat broke
You made me feel like a million bucks
You do
I was made for you
You see the smile that's on my mouth
It's hiding the words that don't come out
And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed
They don't know my head is a mess
No, they don't know who I really am
And they don't know what
I've been through like you do
And I was made for you...
All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I've been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don't mean anything
When you've got no one to tell them to
It's true...I was made for you

hindustan 7

HINDUSTAN 7 : 24 OKT 08

Jap. Aku nk ko tau. Aku ni x de ar jahat mne. Bukan la cam maen2 kan persaan ko ke ape. Pop jap syg ko pop jap x syg ko dah. Bukan mcm tu. aku tgh cube. Utk lupekan ko. Utk x syg ko. Tah aku xtau nk ckp mcmane supaye ko paham. Sbb aku ni mmg susah nk paham. Btol x? amirah ni dala susah nk paham. Patu x ske drama. Padahal dia la yg salu buat drama. Gedik oh. Sigh. Mcm mane nk ckp eh? Aku, klu bley, aku x nk ko cam ade dlm hidup aku supaye aku x syg ko. Tp bile aku x bley x syg ko, nnt aku nk ko blk dlm hidup aku, tp by the time aku nk ko blk, misti ko da x syg aku sepenuhnye.

Lg satu, aku rse, aku bley rse bile ko x syg aku. And aku penah ckp aku syg ko bile ko syg aku je kan. Dan skang aku bley rse yg ko da x syg aku. Dan aku pon akan x syg ko la. Kan? Klu nk buat situasi ni lebih senang adelah dgn ko x syg aku, aku x syg ko, kan? Tah, aku da merepek ar.

Okeh! Hari ni aku akan try ckp jahat2 ngan ko. Tgk ar. Insyaallah.

P wei, mne surat tu?
L surat ape?
P surat yg aku bg tu la.
L buat ape ko nk? Ko da bg kat aku.
P aku nk koyak. Aku x ske ko pgg surat tu. Nnt tercicir, buat susah je. Ko bukan nye pndai jage barang.
L eh spe yg x pandai jage barang ha?
P ko ni bwk ke x surat tu? Klu x bwk ckp je la, jgn buang mse aku.
L aaaaa
P da ar mls aku nk layan ko. (bla)
L ey jap. (kejar)
P (x pndang belakang) jgn ganggu aku.
L (terkejut) bukan dia syg aku ke? (heh, kejar la sgt) (bla)
P (pusing balik) jap. Wei!
L (pusing balik gak) ape?
P (lari kat laki tu and pukul2 laki tu) aku benci ko.
L (diam je, terkejut)
P ko paham x ‘jgn ganggu aku’ tu ape? Hah?! Jgn ganggu aku tu maksudnye jgn dtg sini. Jgn dtg sini dgn bulu mate ko tu, dgn mate ko, dgn rambut ko ngan tgn ko tu. Jgn dtg sini. Jgn lalu dpn klas aku! Ko tau x ape ko buat klu ko dtg sini?! Ko ganggu aku, ko buat aku syg ko blk dgn bulu mate ko, dgn mate ko dgn tgn ko tu. Aku benci ko. Jgn dtg sini. Jgn lalu dpn klas aku. Jgn bg aku nmpk ko. Jgn bg aku nmpk bulu mate ko. Jgn bg aku nmpk mate ko. Nnt aku sakit. Aku sakit la. Asal ko lembap sgt?! Aku x ckp aku sedih. Aku x ckp aku kecewa. Aku x ckp aku disappointed. Aku x ckp aku marah. Aku x ckp aku patah hati. Aku x ckp aku broken hearted. AKU CKP AKU SAKIT. Ko x paham ke?! (masih lg pukul laki tu)(batuk2, tutup mulut)(lari gy toilet)

Korang, korang paham x yg aku sakit? Klu korang pon x paham, mcm mane dia nk paham.

hindustan 6

HINDUSTAN VI : 22 OKT 08

I had mother to daughter talk. And my mom told me something about this crazy love for him. And wht she said was true. Majority. Wht she said made me think twice. I shouldn’t get too carried away with my feelings for him. I’m young. I should let nature takes by its course. And after wht she said, sayang aku kat dia da kurang. Yea. I’m just gonna try to forget him. And live a happy life. I shud probably take a break from all this drama. I shudnt hope or rely on him so much. I should think rationally. Jgn terlalu mengikut perasaan. I admit, it will be hard to forget him. But I’ll try. Bcuz I’m young. I can meet tons of other ppl in my future life. Right? I admit, I still love him. But makin lame makin kurang and I hope it will fade until there’s no more left. I wish I cud just erase all the memories when we’re together. But those were precious memories, precious moments.
Argh!
It just… hurts like hell. And everybody thinks I’m the villain in the story. I’m always the bad guy rite? Tht’s why nobody ever thinks abt wht I feel. Bcuz whT I do to them, is against wht I really feel. Oh is tht what you call it, pendam? Never thought that word would suit me. but you just said it, tht day, pendam. Heh, bodoh. Klu dia pendam cane ko tau? BODOH! Klu aku pendam ko x tau, kenape? Ko x paham ke? Hah. Asal ko lembap sgt? Aku sms ko tiap2 mlm gudnite. Aku simpan gambar ko dlm purse aku. Aku cll ko 1 jam. Ko x fikir ke kenape aku buat bende tu? Klu aku x ckp, x semestinye aku x rase, aku x syg ko. Ergh! Aku kan pelik. Ko kan tau? Hah? Ko x tau ke? Aku xbley ckp bende2 bodoh tu. Ahh menyampah aku! Mati ar mati sume. Tgk ape ko buat? Ko buat aku jadi jahatt. Ggrrr.

I’m stupid I know. There are bigger things happening outside. And I’m mopping around like a fat ass broken hearted girl. Eh bodo.

AKU SYG KO DULU, MSE AKU CLL KO 1 JAM TU. SKANG X. JGN NK PERASAN.

hindustan 5

HINDUSTAN V : 21 OKT 08

i’m lucky I’m in love with my bestfriend
lucky to have been where I have been
lucky to be coming home again
uuuuuuuuuhh
they don’t know how long it takes
waiting for a love like this
everytime we say goodbye
I wish we had one more kiss
I’ll wait for you
I promise you
I will
I’m lucky I’m in love with my bestfriend
Lucky to have been where I have been
Lucky to be coming home again
Lucky we’re in love every way
Lucky to have state what we have state
Lucky to be coming home someday.

What is it tht I like so much about him?

1 aaaaaaaaaaaa I don’t know
2 his pretty eyelashes? Fake eyelashes. Hah xdela.
3 his full lips. Eek!
4 his complexion. Haha double eek!
5 his voice.
6 his sensitivity
7 his masculine hands
8 his bod
9 maybe all his flaws

Sometimes imperfection defines beauty.
Seriously I cnt think of anything good about.
If I think again, there are all sorts of flaws.
He’s not tht smart, not tht rich, not tht hot.
There’s nothing to like abt him.
Everything is just FLAWED.

hindustan 3

HINDUSTAN III : 20 OKT 08

Okey.
Skang ni aku kene fakir betul2.
Buat keputusan.
Sebelum ape2 berlaku.
Aku kene fikir ape perkare yang terbaik utk dilakukan dalam siuasi ini.
I know, skema right? Thts why I rarely use BM. English is so much prettier. I mean more beautiful. As a language. No.
FOCUS!
What shud I do? Shud I just let it be? Sbb da nk cuti. Whts the point. Tah. Klu cuti bukannye aku nmpk pompuan tu pon kan?tp boleh ke aku bertahan dgn kerenah mereka. Ah! Lihat ayatku sudah skema kembali.
Or maybe I should ignore the fact tht she exist.
Just don’t think abt her. Right?
Think about he good times I had with him  haa~…
EEK! Not gonna happen.
He is driving me crazy.
Mengapa dia mesti syg sma perempuan itu? Perempuan out kan boley cari laki lain. Dia tu lawa, byk kwn. Saye ada apa aja la. Rupa pon tada. Otak ada laa. Gedempol lagi. Aiyo dia tada kesian sama saya ka?
Laki ini saja la yg mau saya. Yang lain tamao. Aiyo. Laki in buat saya gila la. Jd org gilaa! Siapa suruh saya sayang sama dia hah? Sapa yg bodo, ha? Silap sapa?
SAYA JUGA! Aiyo. Ini macam mati saja kan senang, hilang sakajap ka? Disappear. Haa disappear sakajap. Satu minggu ka, dua minggu ka. Dtg blk sini, tgk masala suda tada. Yooo kan senang. Hidup mana boley senang. Itu la sebab x bole disappear.

Pengajaran ayat : hidup ini susah.
Penyelesaian nye:::::::::: wallahualam.

hindustan 2

HINDUSTAN II : 20 OKT 08

Aku tak boley la.
Aku rase aku x boley la.
Aku sakit skang ni.
I’m hurt.
And you’re hurting me.
Aku rase x sdp hati.
Aku rse hina bile dia dgn ko.
Aku rse besalah bile aku dgn ko.
Dan utk hilangkan rse x sdp hati ni, ko kene buat something.
Something yg aku xnk pakse ko buat sbb aku xde hak.
Aku nk ko ckp kat dia, nothing special, I have someone else.
Aku nk ko ckp kat aku, be with me until the end of time, I’ll make you happy.
Tapi aku nk ko ckp mcm tu HANYA jika bende tu BENAR.
Buat mse ni aku sanggup. Aku sanggup merisikokan hati aku.
Tapi bile aku dah x tahan, aku akan minx ko buat bende ni skali je.
Tapi klu ko x buat, aku pergi.
Aku akan lupekan kau dan cari laki lain untuk disukai supaya aku dapat think about someone other than you.
Aku terpakse.
Aku ckp betul.
Kalau aku sakit, aku akan lari.
Aku lari tutup mate sbb aku tgh nanges.
Aku takkan bukak mate selagi aku x berhenti berlari.
Dan aku xkan berhenti berlari selagi aku x diberhentikan.
Memandangkan ko syg dia, ko xkan hentikan aku.
Aku tau.
Bile aku rse aku da stop lari je, aku akan bukak mate dan realize aku x bley bukak mate.
Sbb yg memberhentikan aku tu, kereta.

Selepas itu, aku kene tunggu sahaje.
Kalau aku bukak mate, aku kat hospital.
Kalau aku tunggu je, alamatnye smpai kiamat ar bru aku bukak mate.


YEA I KNOW, YOU MAKE ME THINK OF DEATH.
YOU’RE DRIVING ME CRAZY.

hindustan 1

HINDUSTAN I : 17 OKT 08

P:Wei. Okok aku cakap. Aku sayang ko. Puas hati?

L:Asal ko mcm x ikhlas je?

P:Perlu ke?

L:Perlu ke ape?

P:Perlu ke aku syg ko?

L:Apa?!

P:Eh eh perlu ke aku ckp?

L:Ckp ape?

P:Ckp aku syg ko. Penting ke?

L:Penting bagi aku. Sume bende yg ko ckp penting bg aku.

P:Asal plak?

L:Sebab aku syg ko.

P:Oh la ko syg aku ke? Awat x cakap?

L:Ko jgn memaen bley x?

P:True love requires no words.

L:Hah ape? Aku x dgr.

P:Xde pape buah kelape lime sen dua ko kawen ngan org jawe.

P/S laki : L, pompuan : P.

THIS OUR THING REMEMBER? WE ROCK. WE DON’T NEED WORDS.

smart arse

Nobody gives a shit that I’m a smart arse. Maybe some of the people in class do but their compliments for my freakin genius mind is just… a small little paper on the hallway compare to what my parents have to say. You know that small paper on the street, you look a it and do nothing. The paper that means nothing and you completely ignores it. Compare to my parents’ compliments. Cause I do give a damn about them, about what they have to say about my freakin genius mind. You see, I’m not a nice person. I don’t say thank you when someone gives me something. I don’t say sorry when I make mistakes. I don’t talk to the people that I don’t like. I’m not nice or kind or hardworking or anything positive that might comes out in your head. Yea. And my parents, to them, the important thing is to be nice and all to people. But I don’t do that. The only thing I’m capable of is getting straight A’s, being on top in class, do what you want me to do, I guess. So, instead of being nice, I became this smart arse person who doesn’t give a damn about anything. I thought ‘smart’ could replace ‘nice’. But, no, being nice is still the MOST IMPORTANT THING IN LIFE. I’m sorry I cant be exactly you want me to be. Cut me some slack. Cause nobody appreciate this freakin genius mind. You know? Sigh…

ps/ okay I’m exaggerating. Not really freakin genius. But I’m smart and they wanted smart, then why cant they just say I’m so proud that you’re my daughter or I’m proud of you. Why can’t they say that? Because I’m not nice? Is that it?

You Know

Dont go there
Because you know
You will get hurt
and when you do
You know
You will find me
and when you do
You know
I will leave you
and when I do
I know
It will still hurt.

You know by Ameng

Biar Dia

biarkan dia
kerna dia tidak pernah
merasakan apa itu cinta
biarkan dia
biar dia merana
kerna dia yang pilih
hidup tanpa cinta
maka dia juga
memilih hidup terbiar
maka dia juga
memilih sengsara.

Biar Dia by Ameng

Diam Saja

Diam saja
biar dia yang berkata
biar lidah dia yang binasa
kita diam saja
biar dia yang menghina
biar dia yang berdusta
kita diam saja
kerna kita tahu bahwa
kita tak berdosa

Diam Saja by Ameng

I STILL NEED YOU

Why do you love him so much?

I have a thousand reasons for that.

Well, I just need one. One reason for all.

I’m going to tell you.

Don’t let me stop you.

I love it when he always touches the back of his head when he has nothing else to do like when he’s walking to school.
I love it when something funny happens, he’ll do his mysterious grin. I know it’s not a smile. It’s this grin that I don’t even now what it means.
I love it when he crunches his hair when he’s stressed and get all dizzy.
I love it when he closes his eyes when he plays his guitar so he can imagine no one’s watching him even though he’s performing on stage.
I love it when he winks his left eye when the sun’s too bright.
I love it when he sits on the ground and bend his body and show his back to me.
I love it when he rubs his face when something goes wrong.
I love it when he acts like he doesn’t care about our problem at school but then he called me at night and says he loves me so much.
I love it when he puts the song that he dedicates to me at his MySpace.
I love it when I would say I’m fat then he would say ‘I love you just the way you are’.
I love it when he kept asking me to kill him because he doesn’t deserve a girl like me.
I LOVE IT WHEN HE WANTS EVERYTHING TO BE BETWEEN US ONLY BECAUSE OUR LOVE IS FOR US TO ENJOY.

Wow. That was something. Wait, are you crying? Oh god. Please stop.

BUT SERIOUSLY, I WAS TWELVE BACK THEN. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW I’M GOING TO LOVE HIM LIKE THIS?

I’m so sorry. |PERIOD|

P/S: I still need you.

miss murder

Once upon a time, there lived a girl named Erica. She was an orphan. Her parents left when she was a baby. Someone took care of her. When he turned 13, that person left her too. She became a cold hearted kind of person. No family, no friends, no home. She lived among the streets. she could barely speak, no one ever taught her to socialize for she was raised by a streetwalker. One day, a thoughtful and kind policeman found her wandering around the streets.
"Little girl, where is your house? Why are you alone out here at night?"
Erica didn’t say a thing. The police brought her to the police station. They feed her and ask a lot of stuff but Erica didn’t answer any of their questions. The policeman let her stay at the police station for three days. Erica didn’t spoke those three days. The police gave up and brought her to the orphanage. At the orphanage she was fed her well, bought her some clothes, and brought her to school. Going to school was the worst part of her days. She was abandon and tortured. But she had feelings. She felt sad for the first time. She observed how everybody lived. She thought she lived in a cave before this. And now she has break free and come to this new world. The world of socialization, loves, freedom, but also hate, torture, and fake. After a year of schooling, she could fit in the school a little bit. She became a genius in the school a.k.a geek girl. At least the teachers and some of the geeks respect her. Some students tried to befriend her but she stayed away. She was scared to get hurt or tortured. One day someone, a guy, who was not from her school talked to her.
"Hey kid."
"What?"
"How come a girl like you goes to school like this?"
"What do you mean a girl like me?"
"heh. Just look at you. The hair, the clothes, the make up, the STYLE. You shouldn’t be at school."
"Where am I supposed to be then?"
"Want to find out? Come with me."
"What about school?"
"I’m sure they won’t hurt you if you're not there."
Erica hesitated. She looked back at her school and thought. She thought 'what the hell, they hurt me when I’m here, they won’t hurt me if I 'm not here. Anyways, I could always come back here.'
"So how do we get there?" Erica said with a smile in her face. He smiled.
"That’s my girl."
They went by riding a big motorcycle. The guy's motorcycle. On the way, they talked.
"What should I call you?"
"They call me D. you?"
"Erica."
"What about E?"
"Just Erica."
"Gosh, you're so innocent. So naive. Makes me want you more."
"What?"
"Never mind."
D stopped. They went to a bar.
"A bar?"
"I’m just here to get some booze. Then we're out."
D whispered to a big bald guy. He looked at D with glaring eyes. He went inside a room. Another guy came out. He asked D to come in.
"Can I come in?" Erica asked.
"Stay here." D replied.
D went inside. After a few minutes D went out. He went to the counter. Erica followed.
“5 for D." D said.
The bartender gave him a box or a basket. Erica wasn’t sure what it was. Its a closed some kind of container so she couldn’t see what's inside. Everything was a blur to her. But she wasn’t scared. Weirdly, Erica felt safe with him.
"Aren’t you gonna pay for that?"
"I don’t need to." D went to one of the tables there and sat. She sat too.
"What’s in there?" she asked. D didn’t reply. He took out his phone and called someone. Erica didn’t hear the phone conversation because she was staring at a guy who kept staring at her. That guy came to her.
"Hey kid! You’re underage. You’re not supposed to be here."
"I didn’t know. He brought me here." Erica startled. D noticed.
"Come quick." D said to the phone. He turned off his phone and turned to the guy.
"She’s with me."
"D, you can’t bring her here anymore. How come I’ve never seen her?"
"It’s alright. She’s my girl."
"Well, is she going to stay long?"
"I don’t know. Whatever. Why don’t you just back off, okay?"
"Ok, whatever you say. But now, get out!"
"I’m out. Let’s go Erica."
D went out of the bar with the container, holding her hands.
Outside the bar, there's a van. And a man inside the van. D put the container in the van and went in the van.
"Are you coming or what?"
"I think i should go. It’s getting late."
"Go where? School?"
"Home."
"Where exactly is your home?"
"I... I don’t know."
"We have to go now. Before they call somebody and I’m in trouble. Come on hop in."
Erica did what she was told to do. Hop in.
"Go." D said to the man who's driving.
"Where are we going?"
"You’ll know. Eventually."
"Whatev."
"By the way, this is Rob. Rob, this is my new girl, Erica."
"She’s hot. Nice to meet you hottie." rob said.
"Why do you keep telling people I’m your girl?"
"You are, aren’t you?"
Silence.
"D, what's in there?" Rob asked.
"Booze"
"What for?"
"Tomorrow."
"Why tomorrow? Why not tonight?"
"My girls are coming tomorrow."
"Right."
Silence again. The van stopped. Erica was fallen asleep. D woke her up.
"Erica, we're here." Erica didn’t want to wake up. She sighed than went back to sleep. Didn’t even open her eyes. D kissed her lips. Erica opened her eyes and looked at the D who was right in front her, so near. They looked at each other's eyes, long and deep. Erica gasped.
"Where are we?"
"We’re here. Come on."
They got out of the car and went in the building. There was flashing lights, smoke everywhere, loud music, people dancing on the dance floor weird people. They are wearing weird costumes. Some of them were dancing on the tables. Everybody’s sweating.
"What is this place?"
"What?" D neared his ears to her mouth.
"Nothing."
D held her hands all the time. He led her to a room, upstairs. The room was big. The walls were black covered with bands' posters. There were lava lamps at every corner of the room.
"Yo D." a big black guy came. They shake hands. "Boss, D is here."
A man in tux, turned around. He’s a one good-looking man. Women surrounded him. It’s hard to say, but what Erica would say was 'he got style.'
"D. what made you came here. You never came if I didn’t ask you to. I sense a favor."
"Yea. I need a huge space for my girls."
"You mean here?"
"Yea. Can I?"
"Sure you can. After what you did, I’d give anything I could."
"Thanks."
"You wanna have some fun? With your girl there." the boss pointed toward Erica. "Or maybe some of my girls?"
"Oh, her. This is Erica. She’s not one of my girls so... not for you."
"Hello Erica. Make yourself at home." the boss said and kiss Erica’s hand.
"I’ll try." Erica said.
"D, can we talk in private?"
"Hmm, sure." they went aside, leaving Erica with the bodyguards.
"D, she looks... scared. Is she underage?"
"I think. I haven’t really talked to her. I just FOUND her."
"Found? Interesting. But sadly I’m not interested in her so-naive-look."
They went back to Erica. Erica looked really exhausted.
"So, you'll have your 'space' at the tenth floor of this building. It’s actually a suite but looks like a place for meeting or reunion."
"Thanks."
"When will you need the suite?"
"Tomorrow."
"You can use it now if you want to."
"Really?"
"Yeah. That suite was specially made for me. And I’m not using it now or tomorrow. So you can have it. Let me get my assistant first. Excuse me." The boss smiled and went back to his desk.
"He’s quite a gentleman. But he looks like a gangster."
"He’s my boss. Whatever I’m doing, is for him."
"Hmm. so I’m not 'your girl' anymore?"
"What? Oh that. You never were. I have my girls, but not you. They sometimes work with the boss, but basically they for me."
"What are they? Prostitutes?"
"No, not exactly. They do a lot more things than that. It’s hard to say. They do a lot of things. They are my girls because I pick them out from other clubs. They work for free. I don’t need to pay them."
"So I’m not your worker?"
"No. you don’t have to do anything. Just be with me."
"What does that mean?"
"It means you have to follow me around all the time. Well not really all the time. Most of the time. But its okay if you don’t want to. I won’t force you. You do what you want to do."
"Yeah and you'll tell me what you want from me. And I’ll decide if I’ll do it or not."
"Yea. You got he point. Smart girl. But you'll be a smarter girl if you stick with me." A lady came to them.
"Excuse me, are you D and Erica?" the lady asked.
"Yes."
"I’m Megan, the boss' assistant. You can follow me to the suite."
"Okay. Yo, thanks, 'boss'." D said and followed Megan. They went into the suite and D started to unbutton is clothes. Erica hopped on the bed. She was exhausted. She closed her eyes, wanting to sleep.
"Erica, are you asleep?"
"I’m on the way. What?" She opened her eyes.
"You should wash up first."
"I’m too tired to shower."
"We can wash up together if you want to?"
"No thanks. I don’t have clean clothes anyway."
"There are some girl clothes in the closet. I don’t know if it will fit you. You should at least wash your feet and hands and your face." D was already in the shower.
"Okay okay. Stop nagging me. I’ll go look for something in the closet." Erica walked towards the closet. She found a simple white nightgown and put it on. Then she went to the bathroom and did exactly what D told her to do. She barely opened her eyes. After cleaning herself she went to bed. Then D went out of the shower. He was stunned by Erica’s appearance. Erica looked gorgeous in that nightgown. D went to Erica. Erica was sound asleep. He touched her face. He hesitated. He sighed and went to the closet and put on his boxer and slept beside Erica. He was exhausted too. he started thinking. 'This girl is different. But why her? Why do I feel this way? Why can’t I touch her the way I touch other girls? What is happening to me?' he thought and thought and fell asleep. The next morning, they woke up and got ready to go somewhere.
"Where are we going?"
"My place."
"Where?"
"Nearby."
"I haven’t got the chance to ask you this. Err, where exactly were we last night? And where are we now?"
"Now, we're at a suite at one of my boss' building. Last night we were at his club, downstairs."
"Oh okay. But I still don’t know what town are we in?"
"oh we're in another state. We’re far away from you 'home'."
"Away from my orphanage?"
"Yea. We’re in Gotham. Where crimes happens."
"Did you took me away, like kidnap me or something?"
"You took off with me. You chose to follow me."
"I wanna go home."
"You can’t."
"What do you mean I can’t? You told me you won't force me.” Erica was practically screaming. D sensed fear in her voice.
"We don’t have vehicle. The van took off last night. He wont come back for one or two months. But still, it'll take hours to go back there." Erica sat down. Tears ran down her cheeks. D sat beside her, holding her hands. Erica took her hands away.
"Don’t touch me."
"I’m sorry. Its just... when you hop in the van, I thought you wanted to be with me."
"You won’t tell me where we were going. I never thought we were going this far."
Silence.
"How about school and the people who work at the orphanage? What will happen there? I..."
"You won’t lose anything. They’ll be fine without you. You know that. I bet they didn’t even notice you were gone."
"I need to go to school."
"Why?"
"To study!"
"Why do you study?"
"So... I could have a future."
"Well you can have a future with me."
"I don’t trust you. I barely know you."
"I promise I’ll take care of you." D hugged Erica. "Just believe me. You won’t lose anything." D waited for Erica to hug him back. He waited long. Erica hugged him. Then they look into each others eyes. Just like the other day, long and deep.
"Thank you." D said. He got up and took out his cell phone. He called somebody. Megan.
"Hello. Megan, tell boss I’m coming. Get ready my booze and my bike. Thanks." D took his jacket.
"Erica, let's go." they went to the boss' office. No one was there except Megan.
“Where’s boss?" D asked.
"He took off earlier; he has some project he has to deal with. Can you wait for a sec? I’m dealing with something now." D and Erica sat at a sofa nearby. Silence. After a few minutes, Megan walked to them.
“Follow me I’ll get your bike and your booze ready."
"Actually you can let the booze stay here. I’ll be here again tonight and i want that booze in my suite."
"Yes sir." D and Erica followed Megan to the parking lot. Megan gave D the keys.
"Thanks, Megan." D said and Megan left.
"So what are the keys for?" Erica asked.
"This." D said and showed her his bike.
"Is this yours?"
"Yep. All the hard work, I get this beauty."
"Nice ride." they ride the bike and went to D's place. It was an apartment. Like a New York apartment. It wasn’t very fancy. it's just a simple apartment. There’s a couch and TV. A small dining table and two chairs. There are two rooms. The first room was simple. It’s just a single bed and a dresser with mirror. The 2nd room was cool. There were posters on the wall, a queen size bed, closet, small TV, guitar, and some other stuff. it was kind of messy.
"So where do you want to sleep?" D asked.
"Emm, anywhere you want me to."
"I don’t care. You can put your stuff in whatever room you want to. I’m gonna order some food. You want anything?"
"Uhh. Not really."
"I’m gonna order some pizzas." Erica put her bags in the 2nd room.
"D it's getting hot in here. Can you turn on the air conditioner?"
"Sure." D turned on the air conditioner and sat at the couch.
"The pizza will be here in about 10 minutes."
"It’s okay. I’m not that hungry. By the way, is that your room?" Erica said pointing her finger towards the 2nd room.
"Yeah. The other room is a guestroom."
"Oh then I better put my stuff at the..."
"No it's okay. You can sleep in my room. It’s much more comfortable. And I get lonely at nights. So you know, you can do whatever."
"Okay"
"Hey, I didn’t get the chance to get to know you."
"What do you want to know about me?"
"Why are you in an orphanage?"
"I don’t have parents."
"Be more specific."
"My parents left me when I was a baby. Someone took care of me until I was 13 then he left me too. And a policeman found me wandering on the streets, so he took me to he orphanage."
"That was not what I expected."
"What did you expect from me?"
"I don’t know. Someone with happy family, but you knew it was all fake. Fake smiles fake laugh. You knew your parent's marriage was on rocks. and you can fit in the school. You know typical things in life. But I didn’t expect this much drama. So you've never seen your parents?"
"Nope."
"Me neither. How does it feel?"
"Why are you asking me? What do you feel?"
"Nothing much. I don’t even miss them or feel anything about them."
"Why?"
"Well, they left me."
"Yea. They left me too. But I still wanna see them if I had the chance."
"Heh. How old are you?"
"14." the doorbell rang.
"Pizza’s here." D paid for the pizza and went to the dining table. They ate the pizza without a single chat. They finished the pizza and D went in his room.
"What’s next?" Erica asked.
"I’m having a quick nap." D said and lied on his bed. He didn’t close the door. Erica was still at the living room.
"What am I suppose to do?"
"You can do whatever you want, puppet. Just don’t leave."
"Err, like what?"
"You wanna nap with me?" D said with a smirk on his face. Erica found that smirk sexy. She turned away, thinking what she just thought. She shook her head.
"I’ll clean the house." so, Erica cleaned the house for about an hour. Then, D woke up.
"Get ready we're going to town." D said and went to the bathroom.
"I don’t need to get ready. It’s not like I have anything else to wear.
"Let’s go."
"Where we're going?"
"Town, to buy your clothes."
"I don’t have money."
"I’ll pay for it. I promised you I’ll take care of you didn’t I?" they went to town and buy some decent clothes for Erica. Most of the clothes were picked out by D. the clothes were all dark style, dark colors, very street chic, ripped jeans, wild mini skirts, freaking short dresses. At the end of the day, they went back to the club, the boss' club. They rode a bike.
"D."
"Yea?"
"Thanks." they went to the suite.
"I thought there will be some kind of reunion. A gathering perhaps?" Erica said when she found the suite empty.
"They’ll be here by midnight."
"Midnight? That’s 3 hours from now. What are we going to do?"
“I don’t know. Talk?"
"Why don’t you go to the club?"
"You want me to go there?"
“No not really." Erica looked kind of scared.
"Are you scared or something? Cause you always look... terrified."
"I’m still fitting in. I mean, I don’t know you and what this place is. It all came all of a sudden and it just freaks me out."
"Why don’t you sit down and relax. And we'll talk. Okay?"
"Okay." Erica said, a little relieved. She sat down next to D.
"Do feel better now?" D said after he gave her a glass of water.
"Yeah. A bit."
"So, your 14?"
"u-huh."
"I know at your age, it'll be hard for you to accept these kinds of things in your life. I know you must be scared cause these are not your atmosphere. But, just try to fit in. I know its wild, but just try."
"Okay, I guess. I’m hungry. Where can I get food?"
"Oh. Emm, downstairs I guess. Mmm, oh yea. They serve food down there at 3rd floor."
"Okay. I’m gonna get some food. You want?"
"NO! Don’t go. Stay here."
"You don’t have to scream."
"Sorry. We can call them, they'll deliver the food. I’m gonna call them. YOU, stay here. Don’t go anywhere." Erica was shocked. One moment he was all emotional and understanding and he other moment he's screaming like a maniac. I don’t get him, she thought. She smelled something bad. It’s was her own body. She needs a serious wash up to do. She took off her clothes while walking towards the bathroom.
"Where are you going?!" D asked, loud.
"Ah! You scared the shit outta me. I’m just gonna shower, freak." D felt guilty.
"Err, put on one of your short dress when you finished showering."
"Okay." Erica replied and went in the shower. What happened to me back then? I didn’t even know why I shouted. God, what's happening to me?, he thought. He thought he was just stressed out a little. So he tried closing his eyes. *TING TONG* D opened his eyes. He was stunned. He saw Erica’s perfect bare naked figure. Erica didn’t notice D was staring at her. But she put on her towel because she wanted to answer the door. She came back with a waitress. The waitress went out.
"Dinner is served. Gosh, I’m starving." Erica said. She was still in her towel.
"Yea. Me too." yea, starving for you, he thought.
"I’m gonna get dressed up first. Don’t eat yet. Wait for me. I wanna eat together." Erica said and went to the closet. Then, she sat down at the dining table. D was stunned again. Erica wore a slick black dress.
"You look beautiful tonight." D said, staring at her.
"thanks." they ate. Then D changed into a suit. Erica watched TV. They waited for D's girls to show up. While waiting, D kept having calls. He ignored Erica. Erica didn’t care, she just watched TV even though she's thinking something else. Then the doorbell rang. D didn’t hear the doorbell. So, Erica went answer the door. There were a group of gorgeous looking girls. All of them looked like 18-25 years old girls. They were shocked seeing Erica in the suite. Erica was shocked too. He just stood there and stared at them. D came.
“Hey girls, come in.” D said. They came in and sat at the dining table. Erica was still standing still. She felt like an ugly duckling. When she first wore the dress, she felt beautiful. But after seeing all the gorgeous, slender, tall girls in front of her, she stood corrected. I can never look like these girls. No wonder D chose them. But why D chose me? I’m nothing like them, Erica thought. Her body was with them, but her mind was somewhere else.
“I have someone new to introduce to you guys.” D said.
“This is Erica.” D said, showing Erica to the girls. Erica didn’t notice him, her mind was somewhere else. D waved his hand in front of Erica’s face.
“Erica?”
“Ah. Right. Umm. Hi, everyone.” Erica looked at all the 8 girls. They all also looked at her. No one smiled at her except the one girl with nose stud on her nose and a lip ring on her lips. She didn’t wear dress like the rest of the girls. Her hair was short and spiky. She wore lots of make up, chewing gum in her mouth. She wore a black tight sleeveless top with ripped denim mini skirt and black leather boots. She also wore a long leather coat. But she took it off. Erica smiled at her back. D introduced the girls to Erica one by one. Erica didn’t really care about the rest of the girls. She wanted to know that rugged girl with leather boots. D introduced the last girl.
“This is Angela. She preferred to be called Angel.”
“Hi, Angel. Nice to meet you.”
“Nice to meet you too.” Angel replied. D turned around.
“so you guys have some fun first I’m gonna get the booze.” D said. Then the girls cheered.
“WHOA!”
“What exactly is the booze?” Erica asked Angel.
“You don’t know the booze? Oh, right. You’re the new girl. Booze is just liquor. But you get this from a bar far away from here. It’s really good. You can only get from that bar. It’s in Lereo.”
“Lereo? That’s where I’m from.”
“Yeah? That far, huh? Did he go there to get you?”
“I don’t know he just came to me and want to bring me to the bar and then I ended up here.”
“What did he say?”
“He said he’s going to take care of me.”
“Hmm, he didn’t say that to me.”
“Was he supposed to?”
“He said the same things to us. But he never said he was going to take care of us.”
“Well, what does that means? He didn’t call me ‘his girl’, you know?”
“I guess you’re not.”
“It kinda freaked me out. Maybe he wants to do something else with me.”
“Yeah. I agree. But, why did you follow him? Don’t you have a life back there at Lereo? I heard you’re underage.”
“I’m 14. I don’t really have life before this. No one loved me there. No one understands me. Everyone abandoned me.”
“You mean your family? What about your friends?”
“I’m and orphan. I don’t have family or friends.”
“Oh, okay. Sorry.”
“It’s okay. I get that a lot. So what’s your story?
“When I graduated, I couldn’t get in any college and my parents keep putting pressure on me. They kept telling I should’ve studied so I could do something when I graduated. I couldn’t get any job and they were very furious so I ran away. I told them I wouldn’t be back until I fix myself.”
“Wow. You’re brave. How old are you?”
“19. You’re brave too, you know.”
“I followed D because I have nothing to lose if I did. But you, you have family and life. I mean they can help you figure this out. But you intend to ‘fix’ yourself by yourself. You have parents that love you. I…”
“But I was stressed back then. They kept yelling at me. I know they’re disappointed but, so did I. They should’ve at least given me support. But I was kind of regret leaving them. But what’s done is done.”
“so, what are you going to do now?”
“I’m gonna prove to them I can be success, like I told them. I’ll make it through.”
“Good luck with that.”
“Thanks.” They both laughed. Then, D came with some hard liquor bottles in his hand. He gave it to everyone except Erica.
“D.” Erica said with a glaring look.
“You’re underage, remember.”
“No one’s here.”
“Yeah, and you’re still 14.”
“Hey, you guys are catching up?” D asked at both of them.
“Yeah, she’s the only girl that gets me and now I know why.” Erica said. Angel smiled.
“You guys do have a lot in common. Gotta go. Play nice.” D said and winked. D walked away while Erica followed him through her eyes with longing expression.
“You like him?” Angel said with a shock face.
“How can you say that?” Erica said, embarrassed.
“It’s written all over your face, babe.” Angel said, laughing.
“Okay, I think I like him. Is that funny?”
“Do you know him well?”
“Not really. No I don’t know him at all. But there’s something about him that made me stuck it out with him whatever that is. It’s hard to say. Do you know him? Well?”
“No. I don’t even know what he does for a living. He’s very secretive. We just follow orders, and have fun some time. That’s all. He never told us anything about him except that he works for the boss. Do you know the boss?”
“Yeah, I’ve met him.”
“Really, what’s he like?” angel asked, excited.
“What are you excited about? He looks like an ordinary man. Except that he is so cool. He wears suit most of the time. He got style, very gentleman though.
“I really want to meet him, you know?”
“Why?”
“Well, I want to know who I work with.”
“Hmm. Yeah, you must be very curious.” Erica said. Then, there was a loud cheer on the other side of the room. Erica and Angel turned to look. All the girls were all in their lingerie and D was half naked. They were all laughing. Erica felt the slightest jealousy
“Why don’t you join them? They look like they’re having fun.”
“Never mind, they don’t even like me. I have a boyfriend anyway and I’m a very loyal kind of person.”
“Ha-ha. I can never imagine you friends with them.”
“Neither can I.” they laughed. D came to them.
“Well, aren’t you looking hot?” Angel said to D.
“I thought you were ‘loyal.” Erica said to Angel
“It’s not like I suck his face.” They both laughed again.
“Weird. How come you guys can get along so fast? Angel, Erica used to be anti-social you know. Never had any friends.” Erica was a little bit disappointed with D. She didn’t like people talking like that about her. She doesn’t like people talking about her at all, to be exact. But she let it go, though. At the end of the night, they all went home. But before Angel went home, Erica asked D something.
“D,”
“Yeah?”
“Can Angel sleepover tonight?”
“Umm. No I’m sorry I can’t let her do that.”
“Why not?”
“I told the boss that you and I are going to stay here. Not Angel.”
“But I want to spend the night with her.”
“Look, you are not the boss of me okay. Just listen to me, all right?” D said, strictly. Erica felt a slight of guilt.
“All right, I’m sorry.” Erica apologized. Erica turned to Angel.
“You can go now.” Erica said with a pout on her face.
“What’s the matter?” Angel asked.
“I’ll tell you later. Can I have your number?” Angel gave Erica her number and she left. D was in the toilet. D still didn’t forgive her yet. So she was a bit scared. But she acted casual. D went out the toilet. Erica ignored him.
“You have her number but that doesn’t mean you can call her, you know?” D said, suddenly.
“Why are you doing this to me?”
“Look, you are living under my roof. So you gotta do what I say. You should remember that. I’m the one taking care of you.”
“But you said you won’t force me.”
“I’m not forcing I’m just saying you should listen to me. But if you refuse you can get the hell outta here. But where’d you go?”
“I still have the orphanage.”
“I bet they won’t take you back. You left. Why would they take you back? You’re just a burden to them. They don’t love you. But me, I took you with love, without knowing who you are. I promise to take care of you.”
“No! You took me so I could be your slave! You fucking bastard!” Erica started crying. She started throwing pillows at D. “I hate you!” she screamed and screamed. But the only thing that D said was:
“You’re gonna thank me later.” That night Erica cried herself to sleep. Part of her regret following D and another part of her wanted to stay by his side. Her life was never simple, never un-dramatic. She never tasted happiness, or safety, or even love. But after meeting D, she felt a glint of all of those emotions. But why was D acting like this to her, now? She was confused and hurt. What D said really affected her. She slept at the sofa. She didn’t want to sleep beside D. She was still mad at D. The next morning, woke up early. She went to the sofa to see Erica. He saw her red puffy eyes. He knew Erica cried herself to sleep. He was glad Erica didn’t leave. He kissed Erica on the cheek and left. When Erica woke up, it was already 2 hours after D left. She looked for D, but instead she found a note. It read:
I’// be back by noon. Then we’ll go back to my place.
Don’t leave the suite. p/S: Sorry. -D

Erica followed the notes. She didn’t leave the suite. But she still didn’t know if she has forgiven D. D treated her like shit. But he apologized. She decided to ignore the ‘sorry’ part. She cleaned the suite, first. Then she bathed for about 1 and a half hour. She just lay on the bath tub and thought about her life. She almost drowned herself after she thought life wasn’t worth living like this. But the phone rang. She answered.
“Hello.” Erica said.
“It’s me.”
“Angel! Thank god you called.”
“D asked me to call you. What’s the matter?”
“We fought last night.” Erica told everything that happened last night.
“Are you okay now?”
“No, not at all. I almost drowned myself just now.”
“What the hell? What were you thinking?”
“Life’s not worth living like this?”
“Gosh. Promise me you won’t do this again.”
“Can you come around? Please?”
“Aww. I’m sorry. I cant I’m busy. I’m working now.”
“Oh well. Please come when you’re free.”
“Okay. I promise.”
“I’ll have someone on the other line. Bye.”
“Bye.” Erica pressed one of the buttons on the phone and there was a beep.
“Hello.”
“I’ll be there in about 5 minutes.” It was D. Then Erica realized she was still naked because she just went out of the bath tub. She wanted to say something but D hung up already. Erica quickly went to the closet to find something nice to wear. But she wanted to be quick. So she just took whatever she saw and put it on. She combed her hair nicely and put on some make up. She wanted to look pretty around D. the doorbell rang. She on last peek of the suite It looked clean. Then he opened the door. D came in and went to the toilet. Then he went out and took his stuff.
“Let’s go.” He said to Erica and went out the suite. Erica followed; she was carrying a bag of her clothes. When they reached the lobby, a guy came to her and offered to carry the bag. The guy followed Erica and D to their car. It was a navy blue mini cooper. It looked beautiful just like the motor bike.
“Whose car is this?” Erica asked.
“Mine.”
“How many vehicles do you have?” D didn’t answer. The guy put Erica’s bag at the back seat and left. D drove away from there.
“Where are we going?” Erica asked, suddenly.
“To my place, duh. I left you note, didn’t I?”
“Oh yeah. I forgot.” Silence.
“Erica.” D said. He tried to form words.
“Yeah?”
“I’m really sorry about last night. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I was a little stressed out.”
“You didn’t look like you ‘stressed out’ when you were with the other girls.”
“I wasn’t stressed then. Last night, someone called. I was assigned to do a job last night. But I was tired and I wanted to spend the nights with you guys. I’ve been doing a lot of work and I just wanted to rest for a while. That ‘someone’ was mad and he threatened me.” Erica didn’t say a thing.
“Look. Erica. I’m really sorry. I’m trying here.” D said, begging. Erica silenced.
“Angel called this morning.” Erica said, suddenly. D smiled. He’s sure Erica has forgiven her.
“Yeah. I know. I asked her to.”
“Why?”
“I wanted to make up for what I’ve done.”
“Thanks.” Erica said, smiling. She did feel a lot better when angel called. She never had friends and now when she did have, she felt happy. And having a friend felt good. They reached D’s apartment. D quickly went to his bed and slept. Erica just stared at him. D opened one eye and smiled.
“Stop staring at me and unpack your bags. You can put your clothes in my closet.” D said and went back to sleep. Erica unpacked her bags and cleaned the apartment. She was obsessed with cleaning nowadays. It seems to her that everything around D was dirty and she had to clean them. It was her way to show appreciation to D, anyways. After cleaning, she tried to call Angel. But it went to voicemail.
“What are you doing?” D said suddenly from the back. Erica startled.
“I… I… I was just… err… I was calling…”
“Angel?”
“Yeah.” Erica said and looked down.
“Dress up. You have to follow me tonight. And wear all black.”
“Okay.” Erica went to the closet and put on something black. They went to the car. On the way, they didn’t say a word. It was a long way. They arrived almost midnight. Erica was asleep.
“Erica.” D said, waking her up.
“Yeah?” she said and yawned. She looked around. It was dark. Just a few lights here and there. It was a hidden place. She didn’t see anyone walking nearby or anything.
“I need you to listen to me carefully.” D said touching her shoulder.
“Where are we?” she said with a frown on her face.
“I’ll explain later but now, I really need you to listen to me CAREFULLY AND DO WHAT I SAY.” D said calmly but also strictly. Erica listened.
“I need you to relax and don’t freak out. I’ll be doing something unexpected and I need you to shut your mouth. Don’t scream. Don’t say a word. Just follow my lead, okay? I really need you to not freak out and please don’t make a single sound. Promise me?” D said slowly and clearly.
“I promise.” Erica said, trying to relax. But inside, her heart was thumping fast, and her chest wanted to burst. But she tried to calm down, like what D told her to do. They went out of the car. Erica just followed him. Then hey saw a truck. And there were also some big tough guys. They didn’t see Erica and D because they were somehow hidden. D pulled out a gun. Erica wanted to scream but she remembered what D said.
“Remember what I said.” D whispered to Erica. D aimed the gun, and shot the guys one by one. The shot was perfectly at their heads. They didn’t know where the shots were coming from. They looked worried. Then all of them were dead. Blood spilled everywhere. Then one guy from the truck went out. He was really short and had a funny hair. He screamed.
“Where are you? Show yourself, coward.” The short guy said, loudly. D let out a sighed and shot the guy at the head too.
“Let’s go” D said and took Erica’s hand. They went back to the car. D drove. Silence. Then D stopped somewhere far away from that place. D looked at Erica.
“Erica.” D said like he was expecting Erica to say something.
“Was that your… job?” Erica asked.
“Yeah, I’m a serial killer.” D said like he said it a million times, like it wasn’t a big deal. Erica looked away.
“How can you kill people like that?” Erica asked with a disappointed face.
“I kill for money. It’s not like I’m cruel or anything. It’s my job. And I’m really good at it. I get a lot of money out of it. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you earlier. I was scared you’ll freak out. You can say I’m a freak or psycho if you want to.”
“How weird? You kidnapped me, promise to take care of me, show me your gorgeous girls working for you, hurt my feelings and show me your job was killing people. And I still like you. I still wanna be with you.”
“You like me?”
“I do. I really do.” Erica hugged. “I’m in love with a psycho.” D hugged back.
“I’m glad you feel the same way.” D said and looked deep at Erica’s eyes. They kissed, soft.
“I love you.” D whispered at Erica’s ears. Erica smiled and they made love.

like you'll never see me again

so every time you hold me hold me like this is the last time every time you touch me touch me like you'll never see me again every time you kiss me kiss me like this is the last time promise that you'll love me love me like you'll never see me again ooh ooh ooh.

i told you so many times, not to fall in love. trust me. it'll only make you suffer. I've been there. and i really don't like it. and i bet you wont like it either.

i didn't say i was in love. i was only making music.

music. you don't need music. life is about surviving. as long as you can survive, there, your life's complete.

you don't know anything. you don't know me. so don't say something like that. i cant live without music.

oh, i don't know you? I'm your mother, i know you best.

no! you think I'm just like you but the truth is I'm nothing like you. we live in different worlds.

yeah, i admit. we do live in different worlds. and if you knew my world, you wouldn't bother about music.

shut up! you're upsetting me.

you think i care?

I'm your daughter, for god sake.

good thing you know that.

Leave me alone!

ah. stop this nonsense. you're just making drama. lack of attention i assume. i have no time to waste on your lack of attention. I'll get going. and please do something with... your life!

*cry*

*telephone ringing*

hello.

hello. babe, it's me. is your mom home?

no. she just left.

are you crying, baby?

it's my mother. we had a fight again. i thought it was going to be about you. but it was about me making music again.

are you okay now?

well, better now after hearing you.

good. so you made music huh? can i listen?

I'll be at the studio in 15 minutes.

no. I'll pick you up.

what if my mom...

i don't care. i don't think you're in a good condition to walk to the studio by yourself.

okay. I'll wait.

good. I'll be there in 30 minutes.

wait.

what?

Em. the title of the song is "like you'll never see me again".

you don't have to tell me this now. I'm going to listen to the song right? i thought it was something important.

something important, like what?

like I LOVE YOU.

heh. i love you too. see you. bye.

bye.

*3 hours later*

*door bell*

coming.

*door open, mother covered in blood*

mother, what happen?

there was a car crash.

are you okay?

I'm fine. perfectly fine.

good. why don't you go shower? you must be in terrible shock.

i have something to tell you.

this thing can wait right. go wash up. you look awful.

no. emm. i met a boy. he was the one in the car crash. *started sobbing*

mom, are you okay?

he... told me to tell you that he loves you.

what? mother. don't talk nonsense. you're in shock. just go shower.

no. you have to listen. were you supposed to meet someone 3 hours ago?

mom stop talking!

he had a car crash. i came to look and he called me, he called me Mrs. Evans. i came closer and he grabbed my hand. he told me was going to pick you up to listen to a song titled "like you'll never see me again".

no no no!

he was losing blood and and this blood all this blood was his. he couldn't really said clearly but he told me to tell you that he really loves you.

*cry harder*

he ask me a favor though. he ask me to listen to the song.

where is he?

i'm so sorry, dear.

where is he?! MOTHER!

*they both cried and hugged each other*

sing me the song, child.

everytime you hold me
hold me like this is the LAST time
everytime you touch me
touch me like YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN

everytime you kiss me
kiss me like this is the LAST time
promise that you'll love me
LOVE ME LIKE YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN

LOVE.ODD

TELEPHONE, 3 IN THE MORNING

Anis : Hmmm.
Amir : Hello.
Anis : Orang nak tido. Bye.

SCHOOL

Amir poke Anis’s head.
Anis : Ape?!
Amir : Orang call, tak layan ar.
Anis : 3 in the morning is time to SLEEP.
Amir : Kalau tak call, kau marah.
Anis : Call la lepas makan ke, orang tgh bace buku ke ape ke. Mase orang nak tido jugak nak call.
KRING!
Anis : Bye. (walkaway)
Amir : Anis!
Anis : (turn around)
Amir : I love you.

HOME, TELEPHONE

Anis : Hello.
Amir : Hello.
Anis : Ape?
Amir : Dah makan?
Anis : Dah.
Amir : Tengah buat ape?
Anis : Baring-baring.
Amir : Anything happened today?
Anis : Tadi ade seKor bitch ni, kononnye nak kene kan aku la. Haha. Dia lawak oo. I hate her.
Amir : Then, I hate her too.
Anis : You don’t even know her, doofus.
Amir : Hmm.
Anis : (WTF?) Wei, budak malas, pegi belajar la. Nanti kalau fail periksa mengadu kat aku jugak.
Amir : Ye la. Nak belajar la ni.
Anis : Bye.
Amir : Wait, Anis! (silence) I love you.
*DIAL TONE*

TELEPHONE 2 IN THE MORNING
ANIS CALLING AMIR.

Amir : Hello.
Anis : *sob sob*
Amir : Are you cryng?
Anis : I had a nightmare. *sob sob*
Amir : Would you tell me what was it about ?
Anis : It was terrifying. (still crying) (silence)
Amir : Tell me about your friends, Nafisa or Sabrina?
Anis : (kept on crying)
Amir : You don’t want to. Let me tell you about my friend. Syahmi.
Anis : What are you doing?
Amir : Talking to you.
Anis : Why ?
Amir : Just pretend I’m right beside you, talking to you. You’ll forget about the nightmare immediately.
Anis : Okay.
Amir : So…
THEY TALK FOR AN HOUR
Amir : Anis?
Anis : …
Amir : Anis?!
Anis : *zzz*
Amir : (dah tido la tu) I love you.

ON THE WAY TO SCHOOL

Amir : Hey.
Anis : Hey.
Amir : Are you okay?
Anis : No.
Amir : Wanna talk about it?
Anis : No.
Amir : Anis…
Anis : Just leave me alone. (walk faster)
Amir : (WTF?)
Anis : (stop walking)(turn around) I’m sorry. I had a bad night.
Amir : I know.
Anis : I’ll meet you on recess. Bye.
Amir : Anis?
Anis : hmm?
Amir : I love you.
Anis : (walk away)

RECESS
THEY WENT TO THEIR USUAL HIDING PLACE. BELAKANG MAKMAL SAINS.
ANIS TOLD HIM ABOUT HER DREAM.

Amir: Why would you dream something like that?
Anis : How am I supposed to know?
Amir : I promise it won’t happen to you again.
Anis : You cant promise me something like that. You don’t control the life and death. What are you?God?
Amir : I…
Anis : You know what, I’m going. Bye.
Amir : Wait.
Anis : What?!
Amir : I… I love you.
Anis : (left)


AFTER SCHOOL

Anis : Hey.
Amir : Hey.
Anis : Esok cuti.
Amir : And?
Anis : Jom keluar.
Amir : Mane?
Anis : Burger King, Carrefour.
Amir : Pukul?
Anis : Lepas kelas muzik.
Amir : Set.
Anis : Tak pegi same-same tau. Kat sane baru jumpe.
Amir : Memang ar Ko nak ayah aku tau? Nak mampos dah ke?
Anis : Yea. Whatev. Bye.
Amir : Anis!
Anis : Hmm?
Amir : I love you.
Anis : (walkaway)

BURGER KING

Amir : Hey.
Anis : Hey.
Amir : (bagi duit) pegi order.
Anis : Nak ape?
Amir : Amir tak kesah.
ANIS PEGI ORDER AND COMEBACK WITH FOOD. THEY ATE.
ANIS DAH HABIS MAKAN. AMIR BELUM.
Anis : Tak nak makan ke?
Amir : Kenape? Nak?
Anis : *smile* Nak.
Amir : Makan ar. Nanti gemok.
Anis : Ah, biar la. Daripada membazir.
ANIS GRAB A BITE AND LEFT. AMIR CHASE HER.
Amir : La. Merajok ke?
Anis : (jalan je)
Amir : (pegang tangan Anis) Nak ape-ape?
Anis : Chocolate.
Amir : Macam budak kecik.
Anis : (jelir lidah) *bleks*

AMIR BOUGHT HER A CHOCOLATE AND THEY HUNG OUT. THEN, THEY’RE LEAVING.

Amir : Balik cane?
Anis : Teksi.
Amir : Berani ke?
Anis : Tak.
Amir : Habis tu buat pe naik teksi?
Anis : Kau la kene hantar aku.
Amir : Gedikk.
Anis : Nanti aku kene culik baru tau., menyesal tak sudah kau.
THEY WENT IN THE TAXI AND THE TAXI SEND ANIS FIRST.
Anis : Thanks. Bye. ( get out of the car)
Amir : Wait.
Anis : (turn around) Yea ?
Amir : I love you.
Anis : (left)

ON MONDAY, AMIR DIDN’T GO TO SCHOOL. HE DIDN’T EVEN CALL. ON THE THIRD DAY OF SCHOOL (WED) ANIS TRY TO CALL AMIR. AMIR DIDN’T PICK UP THE PHONE. AFTER SCHOOL, ANIS GO TO AMIR’S HOUSE.

Anis : *ting tong*

NO ANSWER. THE DOOR’S UNLOCKED. ANIS MASUK.

Anis : Assalamualaikum. Ade orang tak?

ANIS OPENED ALL THE DOORS IN THE HOUSE, TRYING TO IND AMIR. THE LAST DOOR, SHE SAW AMIR, LYING ON THE BED, WITH A VERY PALE FACE, SWEATING.

Anis : Amir!

ANIS WENT TO AMIR. AMIR’S UNCONSCIOUS. ANIS TOUCHED ANIR’S FOREHEAD. FEVER. ANIS WENT TO THE KITCHEN. ANIS AMBEK KAIN AND BESEN. BUKAK PETI AIS , AMBEK PANADOL. ISI BESEN DENGAN AIR SEJUK. BAWAK SEMUA BENDE TU NAEK ATAS. DUDUK SEBELAH AMIR. CELUP KAIN DALAM AIR. PERAH KAIN. LETAK KAIN ATAS DAHI AMIR. SHE WAITED FOR AMIR TO WAKE UP. IT’S 7 O’CLOCK. ANIS’S MOM CALLED. ANIS TOLD HER MOM SHE’LL BE BACK LATE. AMIR WOKE UP.

Amir : Anis kau buat ape kat sini?
Anis : Aku…
Amir : Dah pukul berape? (look at the watch) Pukul 7?! Anis pergi balik!
Anis : Kau tengah sakit lah. Tak payah jerit-jerit.
Amir : (muke toye je)
Anis : Makan ubat.
Amir : (makan ubat)
Anis : Dah pukul 7 mak bapak kau tak balik lagi?
Amir : Ah! Diorang tu outstation je tau. Minggu depan baru balik.
Anis : Kau tak call aku pun.
Amir : Aku bangun pun tak larat. Kalau aku larat, dah lame aku makan panadol, jumpe doctor ke.
Aku bukannye bodoh.
Anis : Dah tak larat tu, tak payah la marah-marah. Dah sakit tu, buat la cara orang sakit!
Amir : Dah maghrib pegi balik.
Anis : Kau boleh ke sorang-sorang kat sini? Sejak bile kau sakit ni?
Amir : Ahad.
Anis : Tak makan la dari hari tu?
Amir : Tak.
Anis : MasyaAllah. Habis, sape nak jage kau kalau aku balik?
Amir : Aku dah besar. I know how to take care of myself.
Anis : Kau nak bangun pun tak boleh. Takde. Malam ni aku tido sini. Aku jage kau.
Amir : Anis! Nanti mak kau marah.
Anis : Aku cakap aku tidur rumah kawan. (ambek phone)
Amir : Anis! (nak bangun tapi tak larat, pening kepala)
ANIS CALL HER MOM. SETTLE SOME STUFF. WENT DOWN TO GET SOME FOOD. BRING THE FOOD UPSTAIRS.

Anis : Makan.
Amir : (try to sit but couldn’t)
Anis : (bangunkan Amir dengan sepenuh tenaga and suapkan Amir)
Amir : (makan)
Anis : Kau dah la sakit, tak makan ubat, tak makan ape-ape pulak tu. Mane nak baik? Pastu nak jerit-jerit marah orang. Lagi la bertambah sakit.
Amir : Wei. Aku tengah sakit ni. Pening. Kau jangan la tambah kan kepeningan aku ni dengan bebelan kau.
Anis : (pergi almari baju)Kau ade tak baju yang aku boleh pakai? Aku takde baju nak pakai.
Amir : Pakai baju mak aku.
Anis : Gile.
Amir : (smile)(staring at Anis) Carilah baju ape-ape dalam almari tu.
Anis : Eiii. Misti kau dah berape hari tak mandi. Busuk!

ANIS TOOK SOME CLOTHES. SHE TOOK THE BIGGEST T-SHIRT SHE COULD FIND AND A TRACKSUIT.
Anis : Aku nak mandi.
Amir : Jom!
Anis : Diam ar. Aku gune tuala kau.

AFTER SHOWERING, ANIS ATE. THEN WENT TO AMIR’S ROOM. AMIR’S SLEEPING. ANIS SAT BESIDE AMIR. ANIS STARE AT HIS FACE.

Anis : (smile) I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you too. I love you
too. I love you too. (left the room)
Amir : (smile)

ANIS TIDUR BILIK LAIN. APE KAU INGAT ANIS MURAH SANGAT KE NAK TIDO SATU BILIK NGAN AMIR.
PAGI TU AMIR BANGUN. KAT SBELAH KATIL DIA ADE BEG ANIS. ADE BUKU TERKELUAR DARI BEG TU. DIA AMBEK BUKU TU. AMIR DAH SIHAT SIKIT. AMIr BUKAK BUKU TU. AMIR BACE MUKE SURAT TERAKHIR YANG BERTULIS. IT READ :

Saturday 23/4/2007

I went to Burger King with him. He said I love you for the 7th time. I don’t know what t o do. I can’t say it back. I don’t know. But I love him. I want to tell him that I love him in the best way that I can. I just don’t know how.

Anis

Teenagers

Teenagers. The words I’ve heard lots of time from parents, teachers, and friends. Usually they say it with anger, pain and sometimes happiness. It’s hard to describe them. They say they love the person when they only admire that person. They think they’re so big and strong when they’re weak and fragile.
They are various kinds of teenagers. They even labeled themselves. Nerds, Goths, gangsters, ‘rempit’, bitches and many more. They have their own CLIQUE. Nerds are for those geeks that only know about Science and Maths. Gangsters are for those who think they’re so strong they can rule the school. Goths are those people who wear black all the time and think their life are the worst of all. Rempit are for those who go to Dataran Merdeka every night and race with their f-ing motorcycles. Bitches. Girls who think they are so pretty and all the boys want them which are totally not true.
I think the worst kind of teenager is bitches. Every year, they will find a group of girls and try to make a fight. They’ll say mean things to the group of girls and make them do things they don’t want to do. Those bitches will make up stories, tell the whole school and ruin people’s lives.
Rempit. Boys and girls are wasting their time racing. What do they get by racing every night? They’re going to end up hurt in the hospital or maybe even die. They think they are the king of the world if they win a race. Winning a race doesn’t mean anything if you get no profit. What do they get? Pride? F- that pride.
Goths They mourn and brood all day just because they think their life SUCK. Do they know about other people’s lives? Do they ever think if there’s someone out there has worse life than them? Life’s once. Enjoy it. Why cry yourself to death your whole when you can have fun?
Nerds. Most teens think nerds are LOW. People shouldn’t judge them like that. People should try to get to know nerds and see who they really are. Don’t judge people by their appearances. What?! If the person wears thick framed spectacle, braces, get straight As, and wear really horrible clothes 9 which means they have no sense of style) and some other crap, just because of that, people judge them as nerds. It’s not fair. Try to get to know them, and then you can judge them.
Gangsters. I hate them especially boys. They walk around school, skipping classes. Talking back to teachers, and they think they are so powerful that they can rule the school. But the truth is they are fragile and useless. They think if they act like that, they will get attention from people and be attractive to girls while that’s not true.
Another issue or problems that even the government can’t solve yet. Teenagers are smoking and dealing with drugs. These things happen, basically, because of the parents. Nowadays, parents don’t give a damn about their children. They just give us money and send us to school. That’s all. They don’t talk to us. They don’t understand us. And most of all they don’t know what’s going through our lives. They don’t know the problem and friendship crisis that happen to us. Dear parents, your children need love, so give them love. Is that too much to ask? I bet if parents talk their kids and try to understand them, things will get better.
Well, I’m a teenager. I admit, I’m one of them. I wrote what I heard, what i understood, and what I saw. And when i look in the mirror I saw a basic average girl trying to make the world a better place, but couldn't. I’m a normal person, a normal teenager, what am I suppose to do?

By a teenager, duh!

a little something about me

[statement] 12th April 1994, a baby girl was born, 'hasil titik peluh' a couple, zul & niza. Raised in a big family of 7 + bibik, 3 females and 4 females. Grew up to be a pianist (lopek je) and insanely weird gal. Since the beginning of her life, her heart has been broken over and over again, but she's strong, she can be the BEST, she's heading to the top and she'll be there. What she always wanted : looks, brains, and male species. Before getting those three glorious things, she must face some obstacles : braces, exams and fats. So...

Listen CAREFULLY. Now, people will look at her and say 'geek!' and she WISHES, one day, after PMR, people will look at her and say 'the smart swan' or 'the genius butterfly'. You get what I mean?

written by perempuan yang sedang merapu.

[response] No, you don't get it yet. The name is Amirah and the colour is black. She's short and fat and you can call her midget. You know what else? she's so in love with a monster. She knows how ferocious the monster is, the monster still has a soft centered heart. Aaaahh... say it with me. Aaaahh...